WHO ARE YOU, ANASTASIA?
The steamboat was waiting for me in Surgut. The captain and crew
were waiting for my instructions. I could not concentrate and make
any definite decisions concerning our future route so I told them to
stay in Surgut. Meanwhile I organized recreations, dancing-parties,
exhibitions of consumer goods and services for the local population.
My mind was processing the events connected with Anastasia. I was
busy buying at the local book stores a lot of popular science
literature, books about extraordinary phenomena and people's
extraordinary abilities. Also I bought a history of that region.
Locked in my cabin, I tried to find explanations and answers.
Among other things I was particularly interested in: was it really
possible that a feeling of love could be born in Anastasia only
because she was trying to help that country girl by shouting those
“I love you, Vladimir”.
Why had the simple words, which we
pronounce very often without putting into them sufficient feelings
and meaning, influenced Anastasia, in spite of our disparity in age,
and the differences of our ways of thinking?
Popular science literature did not give any answers to this subject.
Then I took the Bible.
And right there I found the answer, at the
very beginning of the holy blessing by John it reads:
“Before the world was created, the world already existed; he was
with God, and he was the same as God. From the very beginning the
world was with God. Through him God made all things; not one thing
in all creation was made without him. The world was the source of
life, and this life brought light to mankind...”
(John 1,1-5, The
Word of Life).
Again I was startled, exactly the way it had happened many times
before. How laconic and exact are the definitions of this amazing
Everything became clear to me right away. Anastasia, for whom any
kind of slyness and cheating are not known, can't utter a word for
no particular reason.
Her words came to my mind:
“At that moment it
was as if I had forgotten that I can't pronounce words for no
particular reason at all, behind them should always stand feelings,
awareness or trustworthiness of natural information”
Lord!!! What bad luck she has!
Why had she addressed those words to
me, being not a young man any more, the one who has a family, liable
to our world's multiple temptations, as she used to call them, "dark
and pernicious"? With all her inner purity she deserves absolutely a
different person. Who would fall in love with her, who is living her
unusual life or having her uncanny intellect, or cast of mind?
At first sight she might appear to be an ordinary one. However, she
is a extraordinary beautiful and appealing young girl, although,
still later on when one starts to communicate with her she turns
into a kind of being who is living beyond the reach of a reasonable
Maybe these kinds of feelings were aroused inside me, one who does
not have sufficient knowledge and understanding of the essence of
our being. Evidently, other people would perceive her differently.
I recalled that even while we were parting I did not experience any
desire to kiss or hug her. I don't know whether she wanted it also.
Generally speaking what did she really want? I recalled the way she
was speaking about her dreams. What a strange philosophy of love she
has: to organize an association of entrepreneurs in order to help
them; to write a book with her advice for people; to carry people
across the space of time of dark forces.
The bottom line is that she believes it!
She is one hundred percent
positive that everything is going to happen this way. Isn't that
something?! I had given her my word to try to organize an
association of entrepreneurs and to write a book. Evidently by now
she is dreaming about it even more. Why has she not thought up
something which is simpler and closer to reality?
Some kind of a pity towards Anastasia arose inside me. I imagined
her staying in her forest waiting and dreaming that everything would
happen exactly that way in reality. It would be nice if she could
simply be waiting for it, simply dreaming about it.
What if she, God
forbid, starts to make an attempt and direct her small beam of
kindness, wasting a colossal amount of her soul's energy believing
in something which is really impossible. Although she demonstrated
to me the possibility of her beam, tried to explain its mechanism,
my consciousness could not grasp it as reality.
Dear readers, judge for yourselves.
According to her she directs her
small beam to a person, lights him with invisible light, giving as a
gift her own feelings, striving for good and light.
Right now I can recall her saying,
“No, no, please, don't think that
I am interfering with their psyche, trying to constrain their souls
and minds. Man is free to take or reject anything. One can take as
much as he is able to contain these feelings within oneself if, of
course he likes them. They are to his liking. Then he becomes
lighter in outward appearance and all kinds of diseases will start
to retreat from him partially or completely. My granddad and great
granddad can do it and I could always do it. My great granddad
taught me while playing with me in my childhood. Now my small beam
has become much stronger than great granddad's and granddad's ones
are, as they say. It is because of this non ordinary feeling which
has been born in me, the one which you call Love. It is very bright
and even burns a little. I have so much of it inside me and I wish
to share it with everybody, to give it as a present”.
“To whom, Anastasia?”, I asked her.
“To you and the people, to everybody who can accept it. I wish good
to everybody. I would like everybody to feel good. When you start to
do the things I was dreaming about, I shall bring to you many of
those people and all of you taken together..."
Recalling all those things and visualizing her, I have realized all
of a sudden that I just can't, at least not try to accomplish the
things she wanted me to do.
Otherwise doubts would torture me till
the end of my life. The feeling of betrayal regarding Anastasia's
dream is going to stay with me, though the dream seems to look very
unreal but still it is desired by her so passionately.
I came to that decision and the steamboat went straight ahead
towards Novosibirsk. I asked the executive director of my firm to
take care of the steamboat's unloading and dismantling of the
Having explained something haphazardly to my
wife, I left for Moscow...
I set out to Moscow to make - or at least try to make - Anastasia's
dream come true.
-to be continued
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