Chapter 32

The highest estimation of your personality is the one given to you by the surrounding people.

She spoke a lot about the people whom we call "entrepreneurs". She spoke about their influence upon the spirituality of our society. Then picked up a twig and drew a circle on the ground. Inside the circle she drew a lot of smaller ones putting dots inside them. Then she depicted other circles around the first one. It was a kind of a planetary map inside the terrestrial world.


She added a lot of different things to it and said:

“The big circle is the Earth, the planet of the people. Small circles are small people collectives which are somehow interconnected. The dots represent the people who are at the head of these collectives. The way these leaders treat the people, what they make them do, what kind of psychological climate they create using their influence, — all these things, will determine whether it is good or bad for the surrounding people. If the great majority of people feel good then everyone produces light illumination and when they are all taken together as a whole, produce a nice light illumination. If it is bad, — it gets dark”.

She shaded some circles, making them look dark, then proceeded:

“Sure, there are many other factors which also influence people's inner state but during that very space of time when they belong to that community the main factor is their relationship with the one who is at the head of them. It is very important for the Universe that only light radiation could come from the Earth as a whole; the radiation of love and goodness. The Bible reads: 'God is Love'. I am sorry, very sorry for the people whom you call 'entrepreneurs' as they are the most miserable ones. I wish I could help them a lot, but it is hard for me to do it on my own”.

“You are wrong, Anastasia. In our society the pensioners are considered to be the most miserable ones. The people who are unable to find a job, provide themselves with proper dwelling, food and clothes, to pay their living are the most miserable. An entrepreneur is a man who has all these things to a greater degree than the rest of the people. He can afford some pleasures which many people can't even dream about”.

“Like what? Give me an example, please, will you?”

“Well, if you take just an average entrepreneur, he has a modern car, a nice apartment or a house and as far as food and clothes are concerned, there is no problem at all...”.

“And what about joy? What does he find satisfaction in? Look! I'll show it to you”.

Anastasia carried me along again to the grass and, the way she did before when she was showing me a woman dachnitsa, she started to show me different pictures.

“Here, do you see it? Here, he is sitting in the car which you call a luxurious one. Do you see him? He is alone on the back seat. A micro climate is being contained inside the car. A driver is behind the wheel. He is driving very smoothly. Look at the boss. Do you see how strained and thoughtful his face is? He is thinking hard, creating some kind of projects. He is afraid of something. Just watch. Now he has gripped a thing which you call a 'telephone'. He is troubled... Well, he has got some information... Now he has to evaluate it very quickly and make a decision. He is all strained... He is thinking. He is ready. The decision has been made. Now watch, watch: he looks quiet but on his face one can read doubt and anxiety. There is no joy at all”.

“Well, this is work, Anastasia”.

“This is a way of life and there is no break in it from the moment of his awakening in the morning till he falls asleep. Even during his sleep he is not free. He can see neither the newly arrived leaves in the trees nor the joyous spring brooks... He is surrounded only by ever envious people who are eager to take possession of everything he has. Trying to protect himself from them with, as you call it "security". To turn a house into a castle does not really bring complete peace as the fear and worries never leave him and so on and so forth till he comes at last to the very end of his life. The feeling of regret embraces him because he has to leave everything...”.

“An entrepreneur has his joys. They come to him when he achieves a desirable result, accomplishes his project. It is the joy of fulfillment.

“It is not true. He has no time to enjoy anything he achieves because a new and even more complicated project is coming to replace the previous one and everything begins all over again though with greater difficulties”

The forest beauty was depicting for me a very gloomy and sad picture of a rather successful, if to look at it externally, layer of our society and I did not feel like accepting it as a true one.


I made a remark as a disproving argument:

“Anastasia, you forget to mention their ability to achieve the desired goal and get the good things of life. For instance, he gets the admiring looks of women, who adore this kind of man and respect on the part of the surrounding people”.

Her response was:

“Illusion! Maya! None of these exist. Tell me, where did you see a respectful or an admiring look of a person who is gazing at the passenger of a splendid car or an owner of a most expensive house? There is no man who would agree with you. Those are the gazes which are full of envy, carelessness and irritation. Even women are not able to love these people because their feeling gets mixed up with the desire to take possession of not only that very man himself but everything he has. In their turn these men are not able to love a woman properly as they can't afford to leave enough space for such a great feeling”.

There was no sense in arguing, trying to find more proofs, as everything she had said could be proved or rejected only by those about whom she was speaking.


Being an entrepreneur myself, I had never had an opportunity to stop and think over the subject Anastasia had touched. I had never analyzed the duration of my joy and moreover I could not do it concerning somebody else. Somehow we are not used to complaining and sniveling in our midst. Each of us is trying to portray himself as a successful businessman who is quite content with his life. Evidently therefore the image of a man who is getting only good things from life has been adopted by the great majority of people.

Anastasia could sense not only the outer manifestation of feelings but even more delicate ones which are hidden deep down inside us. She was determining a person's state by the quantity of light radiating from him. To my mind the pictures and situations which she had seen, I was able to see through her voice. I told Anastasia about it.


She responded:

“I'll help you, just a minute. It's so simple. You just close your eyes. Lie down on the grass. Put your arms aside and you must relax. Mentally visualize the Earth as a whole, try to see its color and blueish luminescence which is coming from the planet. Then start to make the beam of your imagination narrow.


Only now don't embrace the Earth as a whole any more but make it more and more narrow till you see specific details. Look for the people over there where the bluish light is more intensive. The people are there. You try to make your beam even more narrow and then you will see one or a couple of persons. Let's try again with my help”.

She took my hand placing her fingers against mine and touching my palm with hers. Her other hand was lying in the grass with the palm facing upwards. I did everything she told me to do. Using my imagination I was trying to visualize. Soon I saw a vague picture of three men sitting at a table talking excitedly.


I couldn't understand the words, actually I did not hear the words.

“No”, said Anastasia, “these are not entrepreneurs. Just a minute, we shall find them”.

She was moving her beam getting into large and small office rooms, closed private clubs, parties and bordellos. Sometimes the bluish luminescence was very weak or couldn't be seen at all.

“Look! It is night time over there and he is still sitting all by himself in his office room full of tobacco smoke. That one ,look, he is so pleased with himself, in the pool enjoying the company of young girls. He is intoxicated with alcohol but there is no illumination around him. He is just trying to forget his troubles though his self-satisfaction is artificial...

This one is at home right now. Here is his wife, his child is asking him about something, telephone... Here he is! He is serious again even his loved ones are being moved away to the background...”

Again one by one, all kinds of situations in a row were picked up.


Some of them looked good at first glance but not really nice till at last we came across that horrifying scene. All of a sudden a room appeared before my vision. Evidently it was an apartment which was a rather respectable one, but... The next moment I saw a naked man was lying on a round table, his arms and legs were fastened to the table legs. His head was hanging off the table.


His mouth was covered up with a brown plastic strip. Two young men were sitting at the table. One of them was solidly built with a short haircut, another one, less well built had smoothed down hair.

A young woman was sitting in an armchair away from the table under a standard lampshade. Her mouth was glued up too. Under her breast there was a flex linen rope fastening her to the armchair. Her feet were fastened to the armchair's legs. She was wearing only torn underwear. An elderly, slim man was sitting near her drinking something, evidently it was cognac. On a small table in front of him there was a box of chocolates.

Those who were sitting at the big round table, were not drinking. They were pouring on their victim's chest some kind of alcohol or vodka and then they were setting it on fire.

“It is a kind of "gaining an understanding'“, I told to myself.

Anastasia moved her beam away from that scene, but I exclaimed,

“Come back! Do something!”

She brought the scene back again and answered,

“There is no way to do anything. Everything has already happened. It is impossible to stop it. It was necessary to do something before. Now it is late”.

I was looking at it as if being hypnotized and suddenly I saw the woman's eyes very close and so clearly. They were filled with horror and did not appeal for mercy.

“Then, at least, do something if you are not heartless!” I screamed at the top of my voice at Anastasia.

“Sorry, it is beyond my power. It has been programmed by somebody before, not by me. I can't interfere directly just like that. They are more powerful right now”.

“Where has your kindness gone? Where are your great aptitudes?”

Anastasia was silent for a while. The terrible scene faded a little.


Then the elderly man who was drinking cognac disappeared. All of a sudden I felt weakness spreading all over my body and my hand, which Anastasia was touching, started to grow numb. I heard her weakened voice.


She could hardly utter the words trying to speak,

“Take away your hand, Vladim...” she could not even finish my name.

I pulled my hand away from Anastasia and got up. My hand was hanging as if it was numb. The way it happens when one "makes it numb by sitting" ones arm or leg turned absolutely white, all over. I tried to move my fingers, the numbness started to leave me.

I looked at Anastasia and was horrified by her appearance: her eyes were closed, her face was pale. It looked as if there was no blood left under her skin as her hands and face turned dead pale. She was lying as if she were breathless. The grass around her for approximately three meters in radius turned white and faded.

I realized that something terrible had happened and screamed being scared to death:

“Anastasia!”, I gripped her by the shoulders and shook her already non resilient, but somehow softened body.

Her absolutely white, bloodless lips were motionless.

“Do you hear me, Anastasia?”

Her eye lashes moved a little bit and her dimmed eyes were looking at me expressing nothing. I gripped my flask, lifted her head and tried to give her some water but she could not swallow it. I was looking at her thinking feverishly what to do.


At last her lips moved slightly and she whispered,

“Take me to another place... under a tree...”.

I picked up her limp body, carried it away from the circle with white grass and put her under the nearest cedar tree.


After a while, very slowly she started to come to her senses and I asked her,

“What happened to you, Anastasia?”

“I tried to fulfill your request”, she answered in a low voice and added after a pause, “I guess, I've manage to do it”.

“But you don't look well”.

“Because I have violated the natural laws. I've interfered into something that I must not get into. It has drained all my power and energy. I hope that something is still left”.

“Why did you run the risk if it was so dangerous?”

“I did not have a choice. You wanted me to do something, didn't you? I was afraid not to carry out your request. As I was afraid that you would not respect me any more if I wouldn't do something and you would decide that I was just a chatter box who is talking too much about everything but in reality could do nothings."

Her eyes were looking at me with a pleading look, her low voice was trembling a bit.

“I just can't explain to you how things get done, how this natural mechanism works. I can feel it but I can't explain it properly, the way you would be able to understand, evidently, your scientists will fail to do so also”.

She lowered her head being quiet for a while as if she was summoning up her strength.


She looked at me again with her pleading eyes and pronounced,

“Now, even more than before you are going to think of me as a crazy one or a witch, aren't you?”

All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with a desire to do something good for her, but what? I wanted to say that I was thinking about her as a normal, ordinary human being, a beauty, a smart woman but I did not feel exactly that way. I did not feel a regular attitude towards her. I knew that she would sense my lie and would not trust my words because of that incredible and powerful intuition others.

Then I recollected the story she had told me about her childhood, the way her great granddad used to greet her when visiting her. He was kneeling before her on one knee kissing her hand.


So I kneeled to Anastasia on one knee, took her still pale and cold hand, kissed it and said,

“If you are not normal then you are the best, the kindest, the cleverest and the most beautiful of all non normal ones”.

Thank God! At last Anastasia's lips were touched by a smile. Her eyes were looking at me with appreciation.


Her cheeks were turning pink again.

“Anastasia, you know, the picture looked rather gloomy. Were you choosing them on purpose or at random?”

“I was looking for something good but I failed to find it. They are all in the clutch of their troubles. They are face to face with their problems. They almost don't have a spiritual relationships

“So what is it necessary to do? What can you suggest besides feeling pity for them? I would like to note-that they are strong people, I mean the entrepreneurs”

“No doubt, they are very strong”, she agreed, “and they are very interesting. They are living two life times within one period. One is known only to them and nobody else, even their intimate ones. Another is an outside one for the surrounding people, a social mask. I guess it is possible to help them by strengthening their spiritual and sincere relationships with each other. An open minded striving towards the purity of thoughts is required”.

“Anastasia, I believe I'll try my best to write a book and to organize an association of entrepreneurs with pure intentions but only the way I understand it”.

“It will be difficult for you. I'll not be able to help as much as I would like to as I've got only a small amount of strength left inside me. It will take time to rehabilitate my power. For a while I'll not be able to see with my small beam at a distance. Right now I can't even see you properly with my regular vision”.

“Are you getting blind, Anastasia?”

“I think everything is going to return to normal. I am just sorry that for a while I'll not be able to help you”.

“You don't need to help me. You had better try to save yourself for our son and to help others”.

I had to leave to catch my steamboat. I waited till she would look better at least in her outward appearance. When she looked almost the way she did

before, I got into my motorboat. Anastasia took hold of the handles at the front of the motorboat, pushed it off from the shore and it was picked up by the river flow. Anastasia was standing in the water which was almost reaching her knees.


The hem of her long skirt was wet and swaying on the waves. I pulled the ignition rod. The motor produced a roaring sound tearing apart the silence which had become quite common for me during those three days of staying there and the motorboat rushed forward abruptly accelerating speed.

Suddenly Anastasia came out of the water and ran along the bank trying to catch the motorboat. Her hair flying in the wind looked like the tail of a comet. She was trying to run as fast as she could.


Evidently she was using all her strength trying to do something impossible, to catch a speeding motorboat. Still the distance between us was increasing slowly. I was sorry for her useless efforts and wishing to cut short the painful farewell moments so I pressed down the accelerator lever with all my might.


A thought crossed my mind:

“Maybe Anastasia may think that I was scared again and now I am trying to escape from her”.

Roaring at an extreme volume the motor made the front of the motorboat move upward with a jerk moving forward making the distance between us increase even more... and she... Oh, my God! What was she doing?! —Anastasia dashed off her wet skirt which was preventing her from running, cast aside her torn clothes.


The swiftness of her running increased and something unbelievable happened. The distance between her and the motorboat started slowly to reduce. I could see that a little bit ahead of her there was an almost vertical slope.

I was still pressing the accelerator lever though it did not give way any more. I thought that it would help to stop her and bring that painful scene to an end.

“She could not lose her vision to a such an extent that she was not able to see that slope”, I was thinking to myself.

Anastasia did not slow down at all, having run up on to the top of the slope she fell down on her knees. She raised her arms up towards the sky with a slight bend in my direction and shouted.


I could hear her voice through the wild roaring of the motor and the noise of the splashing water, it was like a whispering:

“Sh-a-a-l-l-o-o-w  wa-ter is a-h-e-a-d, sh-a-a-l-l-ow  w-a-t-er, sun-ken  l-o-o-gs”.

On turning my head very fast, without even realizing completely what was happening.


I turned the wheel so abruptly that the motorboat rushed aside and was about to scoop up water over the tilted side. A huge sunken log one end of which was resting onto a sand bank and another one, which was hardly seen sticking out of the water, slightly struck my motor-boat's side. If it had been a direct blow it could easily have broken its thin aluminum bottom.


When I had reached the river fairway I turned back towards the slope and whispered addressing my thanks to the lonely figure standing on her knees who was becoming a diminishing spot.

“Thank you, Anastasia!”

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