We all know Big Tech is in Big Trouble at the moment, right?
Well, don't play the world's smallest violin for the poor, newly unemployed minions of our digital dictatorship. Instead, rejoice...!
The Next Big Thing is just around the corner and it's going to save the tech industry and plunge us further into the coming transhumanist nightmare!
Alright, so the whole "Meta" thing didn't quite pan out like the Zuckerborg expected.
I mean, Elon Musk didn't become a super-cool, free speech-defending multi-gazillionaire by letting a few spontaneously combusting electric cars or 1,500 dead lab animals get in the way of his plan to brain chip the useless eaters, did he...?
Of course he didn't...
And, likewise, we will see Zuckerborg and his fellow FAANGsters regroup in 2023 and unleash their next amazing invention on the world:
I mean, it will come with a terms of service agreement that requires you to sign away all rights to your body, your labour, your firstborn child and your eternal soul.
But who ever reads those things anyway?
Yes, folks, the future's so bright we'll have to wear shades.
Luckily, our vision will be permanently occluded by the glowing screen that will be stuck to our faces, so we'll never have to worry about putting shades on again.
Welcome to 2023...!
You may have scoffed at the patently ridiculous Tesla robot, but you won't be scoffing by the end of this year, let me tell ya!
The writing was on the wall for me when the cute little robot cat waiters started popping up in family restaurants here in Japan.
Of course they're pointless.
In fact, they're worse than pointless; they're actively inefficient.
They clog up the aisles between the tables, scuttling along in that creepy robotic way with a perky jingle emanating from their speakers as real live human waiters scurry past them, delivering the orders that they forgot to put on the bots.
But it's the reactions of the customers that tell the real tale:
Which, roughly translated, means,
If only it stopped with the cat robot waiter take over.
But it doesn't.
(Though, to be fair, Beijing's Supreme Court announced last year that "judges must now formally consult the AI on every case.")
To be sure, there is a lot of hype clouding the topic at the moment.
But it's getting harder to deny that something important is happening here. Granted, your toaster doesn't have a soul... but your microwave might! (And just wait until you find out about your BMW's digital soul)!
Yes, while the usual crew of naysayers will continue arguing over the nature of "intelligence" and what it truly means to "think" (and just how many angels can dance on the head of that pin, anyway?), Skynet will begin its total takeover of humanity.
That's right, folks.
Definitely maybe a possible probability.
All I know for sure is that when I ask my kids what they want to be when they grow up, I can usually answer,
And yes, that definitely includes podcasting.
It will be an embarrassment of war.
OK, then, wise guy...
You guessed it:
Oh, and 2023 may or may not see the continuation of a certain documentary series about World War from a certain Corbett Report website.
But after a list of predictions like this, you might want to take this prognostication with a grain of salt, too!
INCONCLUSION (<-Yes, that's a play on words, not a typo)
OK, OK, enough joking around.
It doesn't need to be said, but let's say it anyway:
Yes, making predictions (even serious predictions) can be a useful activity.
It can help us to better articulate our own thoughts and feelings about where we are at the moment and where we think the would-be world controllers are trying to steer us.
But if we leave it at that - simply consigning ourselves to the role of bit players or NPCs in an unchangeable story of the future that's being written by forces beyond our control - then we lose.
As I've said before, our win comes not in understanding what role the elitists want us to play in their narrative, but by writing our own narrative and then helping to bring that narrative about.
So, yes, by all means, let's all speculate about the year ahead in the comments section below.
But, more importantly,
We've got work to do, folks! Let's continue doing it and let the New Year's chips fall where they may.