by Nanice Ellis
It would not be an
exaggeration to say that virtually everyone who sits down in this
room notices the poster, and relates to it in some way. I know I
did, and that is why I hung it on my wall.
It is rough being awake, when everyone around you is still asleep - and they are looking at you like you are out-of-your-mind!
Nonetheless, the result is feeling alone, isolated and
alienated - basically, a stranger in a strange land - indeed.
Whether waking up was something that
you wanted or something that randomly found you, it can be extremely
pain-staking with little or no support, while the world dis-owns
My own family and
my own children thought I was mentally-unhinged for many years. My
ex-husband gallantly added to that belief. I either had to hide
myself or subject myself to criticism, ridicule and sometimes even
hostility. I was alone in a disconnected family and I was so lonely.
The Isolation of Enlightenment
So when we are squeezed out, rejected, judged or made fun of, it cuts to the core. Others accuse us of not being the same as we once were, and therefore they feel justified in their negative behaviors toward us - because they think that we are the ones asleep and they are trying to wake us up - for our own good!
If we go too
long without love and affection, and even hugs, we begin to
emotionally and physically suffer; life feels like a bottomless pit
of misery with no safe haven, no comfortable place to fall.
One time, I
even went out and bought a stack of books and gave a book to each
one I knew, but no one read the book.
I continued my journey
privately - I had no choice because once the journey begins there is
no getting off this train.
At first I couldn't believe it. I didn't expect it.
I had given up any hope of living in an awakened
family, yet each one of them was now having their own private
In the past, we have been described as "way-showers."¯
I think that fits but it would have been nice if it came with an instruction booklet, and maybe some warnings.
is to share some insight with you that might help as instructions or
guidance to help you emerge from this arduous process of awakening -
feeling both fulfilled and fulfilling your mission - as a
So, let's begin…
Okay, so maybe you say,
All awakening beings go through a solitary process, where one only has oneself.
Fear and loneliness often keep us from seeing that this is a powerful time for personal growth and further awakening.
unbearable when we resist this alone-time, and we yearn for the
former comforts of relationships as we once knew them, but if you
were to surrender (resistance) to the process that you are now
experiencing, you might discover that your higher-self is asking you
to go within and discover who you really are - without the
distractions of other people and relationships.
The death of who you once believed yourself to be or that you once believed the world to be, and the birth of the truth and who you really are - a birth to who you are becoming...
This primal relationship to self cannot be found in
anything external and that is why this part of the journey is a
journey to self, and why it must be done alone.
From this place, new types of
conscious relationships can be established, unlike anything you have
When we have an Emotional Addiction, we gravitate unconsciously to that particular emotion on a consistent basis. When we consider the law of attraction, it also means that we will attract more of whatever we focus on.
So, if you
are consistently feeling lonely, you are energetically telling the
Universe that you want to feel lonely, and then the Universe will
bring you more and more opportunities to feel this way.
long as you blame the outside world, you have no power to change
anything. In order to shift out of loneliness, you must stop
focusing on loss and separation - or any emotion associated with
Yes, this takes a great deal of focus and presence to attain, but you can do it. The key is to re-focus your intention on creating connection and then you must place your attention on your intention through inspired action.
Also, notice what behaviors you
partake-in that might actually be worsening your loneliness and
isolation, and shift to align with behaviors that will attract love
and connection, which we will explore in a moment.
Others Are Awakening
He said that his other friends didn't understand and that they were all still very asleep. One day, I met one of his friends. She and I spent the better part of a day together, walking the boardwalk and getting some sun.
This friend confided in me and said that she was so relieved to talk with me because she had no other friends who were awake enough to understand.
Hmmm, I thought, here were two good friends who were afraid to speak openly with each other - both feeling alone and alienated.
I have witnessed this same situation
several times over.
There are others feeling exactly as you and maybe they are too afraid to reveal their inner plight - just like you. You may be surprised that some of them might be the same people who seem to judge you.
Many awakening people are in denial about the process - after all, it may look very unappealing.
It is easier to judge and be in denial (or at least it seems so) than to open up and be the one criticized. People don't easily accept new ideas and many resist the whole process.
With hindsight, I can see that many who judged
and criticized me were actually going through similar experiences.
Your friends and family have known you to be one way for years (maybe your whole life), and suddenly you change and you are talking about things you never talked about before, and maybe doing things that seem completely out of character.
Your behavior does not "look
awake"¯ to the people who are still asleep - it just looks, well…
If you are the only one who becomes
sane in the midst of insanity, others will perceive you as the crazy
one, and the more you try to wake them up, the crazier you seem.
How Do You Relate to the Sleepy-Ones?
You can experience connection in these way, without having to discuss areas where you don't agree.
Since you are
more awake, it is your responsibility to guide the conversations in
a manner that moves toward connection, in whatever that means for
that particular relationship.
If you can be forgiving of those who are
less awake for their ignorance, that will go a long way in repairing
relationships that have grown distant.
After all, people need to
wake-up before we create the apocalypse or humanity is completely
enslaved with no way to escape. When time is of the essence, how can
we sit around and wait?
Just stay committed to your own journey of discovery, align
with the truth, take inspired action and do what is best for you,
and you might be surprised that others are directed in the same way,
at the time that is perfect for them - not you.
What to Do When You are Awake, Alone and Isolated?
If you could commit to staying awake and maintaining your connection to yourself, after a little while, you would notice that others are, in fact, awakening.
When you do not compromise yourself, and "go down"¯ to meet others where they are, they will either fall out of your life or eventually rise-up to meet you where you are. It is not that they are changing.
It is that you
are actually aligning with a new reality where there are more highly
evolved versions of the same people.
This will put you in contact with like-minded people and you will be
doing some tangible good.
What should you be doing that you are not doing? This is the "inner wise should"¯ not the outer manipulative "should" of the world.
This is your higher-self speaking to you and guiding you in a
Fall in love with yourself, or even date yourself - take yourself to the beach for a picnic, out to dinner at your favorite restaurant or even send yourself flowers. Do for yourself what you wish someone would do for you.
Make sure that you don't attach sadness to these actions. It
must be done from a space of pure self-appreciation.
Skin to skin touching can make all the
difference in the world.
Getting back in your body
through yoga, exercise, breath-work or any physical activity will
naturally make you feel better and more connected.
It is said that the DMT in our bodies communicates with the DMT in nature. This intuitive and energetic communication creates an experience of connection. This is one of the reasons why it feels so good to be in a natural environment, such as the mountains or the beach.
Talk to the plants, the trees, and the birds.
This might also
include gardening or even growing food.
If you don't have your own
cat or dog, and cannot get one, go to the park where people walk
their dogs, volunteer at a lost pet agency, or just go to a pet
store where you can spend some time giving and receiving love from a
that when people held a hot pack, they recalled fewer negative
emotions about a past lonely experience. This means that warm baths,
hot showers and heated throws can actually ease the pain of
When we are
lonely, we tend to close down, but if you can open up to others
through giving, you may experience an immense shift in
One day these same people will be
turning to you for support and information - at that time, do not
hold their former ignorance against them; be compassionate and give
what you have.
Set boundaries for how people can treat you
and kindly tell people what those boundaries are, when appropriate.
That moment always comes if you are both patient and aware, but don't push it.
I know that it can feel like a burden but it is an honor and a privilege. You may not remember signing up for this assignment but nonetheless you did, or it would not be happening.
When others are ready to wake up, you can invite them to embrace, or simply allow their own process of awakening, but it is not your job to wake anyone up.
Remember, the awakening process is different for everyone.
If I could speak to my past lonely self, I would tell her to be her own best friend, take the time for even deeper self-reflection and to keep going - it gets better. In fact, it gets great!
Maybe there is a future-self who is speaking to you now and maybe he/she is saying,
Do not despair - there is a light at the end of this tunnel - and it is worth any journey to get there.
One step at a time, and remember to breathe between the steps...