by Bernhard Guenther
June 05, 2016
from VeilOfReality Website
However, if there is no emotional intimacy (as in emotional relating) and a feeling of safety in a relationship, then physical intimacy can only go that far.
In order to truly open up to a partner and go deep we need to feel safe and be able to share emotional intimacy, our fears, mistakes, and pains and receive each other with compassion and empathy.
For many people physical
intimacy comes easier than emotional intimacy. For others it is the
other way around. Often times people avoid emotional intimacy by
focusing on physical intimacy, using sex to buffer up their
If we are not comfortable with our own vulnerability, we cannot receive the vulnerability of another person fully and emotional intimacy is blocked.
No matter how hot the sex
and how great physical intimacy is, if we don't develop or have
emotional intimacy and the safety to express ourselves that way, a
relationship can go only so far.
Our body gives us constantly clues about what is safe for us and what not. The more we are in touch with our bodies, the more we can receive these messages which also puts us in touch with our vulnerability.
It's important to listen to these bodily sensations which go deeper than just sexual feelings. Most often they are buried under layers of "armor".
It's easy to rationalize
these deeper sensations away, judging ourselves for not opening up
when it doesn't feel safe. Don't listen to the mind, trust your body
and don't judge yourself for however you feel.
But before we can receive
another person like that ourselves, or even express ourselves that
way, we must be able to to be compassionate with ourselves and love
ourselves, the dark and light, neither inflating or diminishing
Sometimes we're looking for a "savior" in a partner unconsciously but it is a projection of what we have denied or avoided to give ourselves:
Before we can develop deeper trust with a partner, we need to be able to trust ourselves and the deeper clues our bodies are giving us.