And her Relatively Holy Jihad against the Tyrannical
and Parasitic Little Grey Space Alien Sex Maniacs --
Sex Attacks by these Clever Little Bastards simply must stop!
Feminist Says Sex Attacks by Space Aliens Must Stop!
Hundreds of Earth women rally against extraterrestrial brutality
by Tanya Broder, W:.W:.N:.
ACTIVIST Anita Kless is rallying women to fend off the new male
menace from outer space. She's teaching gals how to avoid the fate
of the horrified abductee pictured below.
SAN DIEGO, Calif. - Angry feminists are organizing to stamp out yet
another outrage perpetrated by lustful male chauvinists -- sexual
attacks by space aliens on Earth women!
Hundreds of determined gals are lining up to take lessons in karate,
hear lectures on self-defense, and learn how to spot lurking Weekly
World News aliens and their spacecraft.
They say they're going to make UFO abductions obsolete in America by
the end of the century.
"We're fed up with space aliens abducting women and subjecting them
to filthy attacks," said Anita Kless, 42, head of an action group
called Earth Women Against Alien Brutality (EWAAB).
[Note: we have
determined that Ms. Kless must be a Top Secret Government Agent as
-- despite our very best detective efforts -- we were unable to
locate either her or her Top Secret Government Organisation, the
"It's bad enough when human males assault us. We're not going to
permit the practice to spread to extraterrestrials as well."
Over the past 50 years, UFO abductions have become increasingly
common all over the world. Women suffer especially from these
experiences, Miss Kless and her group believe. A number of them have
even borne babies resulting from extraterrestrial rapes.
"We want women all over the country to realize that these terrible
things can happen to them," she said. "and we want them to know what
they can do to defend themselves."
"That's why we're getting militant. We're planning to set up groups
around the nation to inform women and train them in self- defense.
We're putting out a book giving tips on avoiding on foiling
abductions. And eventually we want to put out a line of self-defense
weapons like stun guns, sprays and high-pitched noiemakers."
How to Prevent UFO Abductions
The EWAAB says you can't elude a determined alien if he is really
intent on getting you, but you can do certain things to make
yourself less attractive -- and hopefully send him elsewhere for a
victim. They offer gals the following pointers on how to avoid UFO
abductions and rape:
WEAR YELLOW: Aliens don't like yellow -- especially mustard yellow
and have never abducted anyone wearing that color.
DON'T DRIVE OR GO OUT AT NIGHT: If you must go somewhere, use music
as a protection. Switch your car radio or boombox to easy-listening,
Muzak-type tunes that aliens hate. Harp and zither music also drives
USE A PROTECTIVE SCENT: Oddly enough, mosquito repellant will ward
off space aliens. So will the odor of bourbon whiskey, which can be
splashed on like perfume for alien protection.
NEVER, EVER, GO ANYWHERE ALONE: Aliens rarely abduct anyone in front
BATHE OFTEN: Spacemen locate most of their victims by body odor. If
you're scentless, they will choose someone else.
WEAR PLATINUM: Platinum causes space alien appliances to