RA, Fragment 53
Session 103, June 10, 1983
Jim: The information in Session 103 concerns the continued spasming
condition of Carla’s abdominal region. Large amounts of pain
accompanied the spasming and caused her to be less and less able to
function in any manner of service at all. Thus she felt useless, and
her natural joy became reduced and was the focus for this series of
questions. Further, Carla had decided to stop buying clothes for a
year because she felt that she had devoted too much time and
attention to a transient part of her life, and wished to break that
habit, and this decision added to her loss of joy.
Carla: By June of 1983, Don and Luther, our lessor and the owner of
the house in which we had lived for all of the Ra sessions, were
locked in a Mexican stand¬off. Because Luther raised the asking
price an arbitrary $5,000.00 in the middle of negotiations, and
because Don was absolute in his refusal to buy the house without
Luther’s adhering to his original price, all bets were off. At this
point, I was just trying to get Don’s deposit out of escrow. Luther
would not release it after we agreed not to buy the house. He felt
it should be his, regardless. Luther was not a great help.
Eventually, I was to agree, long after Don’s death, to give him over
half the escrow amount. It really didn’t seem to matter what was
fair. There was more confusion because our lawyer for the purchase
of the house did not do his paperwork. I did not want to go to
court, feeling that Don would not have done so. Nothing would
resolve; everything felt like we were moving in molasses. This was
the sort of baffling energy that seemed to have overtaken us.
Nothing seemed to work well, me included. Don was feeling poorly,
too, though in a vague and generalized way rather than anything
acute. Jim alone was regaining health every day.
I was concerned about Don without knowing why, really. At this stage
of his mental illness, it was very subtle. He simply felt very low,
and was very prone to think and plan for the worst case scenario.
While he, all his life, was always rigorously careful and cautious
in his dealings, a change of address was in order, and his normal
response was not this slow. We had to move. But month by month,
looking constantly both here and in Atlanta, we could find nothing
that Don was pleased with. I would target this point as the time
period within which I was becoming aware that something was really
wrong. As was always our pattern, I responded to the feelings of
concern by asking for help and communicating. Don responded to the
same with an increase of reserve. He could be firm about only one
thing: that nothing we were looking at was the right place.
In this atmosphere, we were all uneasy, unsettled. I tend to get
busy when I get worried. I was busy. All the records were in order.
I went on my walks and did my time in the whirlpool and tried to
remain hopeful. I felt constantly a bit irritated with Don, because
I could never figure out why he rejected every single house we found
in the listings or saw from the street. He seemed to be dragging his
feet for no reason. Don was never one to share in his motives for
doing things. He just said no, much as Nancy Reagan suggested later.
It wasn’t a solution for either environment. This is the first place
I can think back and say, HERE I was feeling both of us losing
ground, Don and myself.
I was heavily dependent upon him. I had been raised a most
independent person, and I had to learn to let go of everything
except what Don needed from me. And Don had needed all my choices to
be made around him. He wanted me to be at home and right there, a
person he could count on to be loving and willing to do whatever he
decided. He never really consulted me, and it sounds very
chauvinistic, but he did not mean this personally. He simply
consulted no one. He never had. And his view on women was so bad
that I could only look better! I quickly formed the opinion that
when I stopped getting interference for an idea, that idea was the
right one. It took me at least the first six years of our
relationship to figure out that no matter what, I should never take
a job that took me away from him, even as far as my desk. He even
stopped me from working on our projects, many times, when he was at
home. “When I am off, you are off,” he would say. So I had pretty
much given over my decisions to him. It is to be noted that I was
aware of the unhealthy tinge of this relationship. However it was
and remains my opinion that this was the absolute best Don could do
in the way of having a relationship. And that was good enough for
me. Where Don was concerned, I was ready to do whatever he needed.
And at this point, with my health compromised and aiming for more
sessions, I was not “allowed” to do much except follow my regimen
and try to keep my weight above 80. I was whole-heartedly into this
model for living, for what mattered most to me from the first was to
see Donald really happy, as only the contact with Ra made him. So
our every effort was towards that goal: just to have one more
However, what had always before gone hand in hand with my dependency
was his willingness to steer our course, indeed, his insistence upon
that. I was glad to give this leadership over to him, and to do what
he said. He was far wiser than I was or ever could be. When he
stopped giving orders, and indeed seemed not to know what to do, I
was quite lost. My mode was to find out what he wanted and do it.
But with the question of moving, we entered an arena where I could
not succeed. No house, no apartment, was acceptable. I do not find
it at all odd that I had “lost my joy.” I was totally bewildered. My
sense of reality had been compromised.
The comments about clothing address a facet of my personality of
which I am not proud, but do own: I absolutely love to wear a new
dress or pair of socks or whatever else might catch my fancy. My
childhood had been very low on pretty clothing, as our family
finances were tight. My mother and I, when I was grown and her
career as a psychologist had begun, had a standing date on Saturday
for lunch and shopping which we kept faithfully until her death in
1991. I would find wonderful things with her, as she was a champion
shopper, looking through great masses of sales racks with the
patience of an archeologist, sifting for good labels and just the
right bargain. To this day, when I can, I love to go
bargain-hunting, and just thrill to be able to wear something new.
I kept my promise to myself, and did not buy clothes for myself for
a whole year. However, I cheated, in that I bought things for Momma,
and she bought things for me. I kept the letter of the promise
Session 103, June 10, 1983
Questioner: The instrument asks the question why she lost her joy in
the recent past? Could Ra comment on that ?
Ra: I am Ra. The instrument made a free will decision not to address
the physical catalyst causing great pain by means of the
allopathically prescribed chemical compound which the instrument was
sure would be efficacious due to its reliance upon the suggestions
of Ra. Thus the catalyst was given in a more complete form. The
outer service to others became nearly impossible, causing the entity
to experience once again the choice of the martyr; that is, to put
value in a fatal action and die or to put value on consciousness of
the creation of the one Creator and, thereby, live. The instrument,
through will, chose the latter path. However, the mind and
mental/emotional distortions did not give the support to this
decision necessary to maintain the state of unity which this entity
nominally experiences and has experienced since its incarnation’s
Since this catalyst has been accepted, the work begun to remove
distortions blocking indigo ray might well be continued apace.
Questioner: Could Ra recommend work appropriate for removing
Ra: I am Ra. We cannot recommend for the general situation for in
each case the distortional vortex is unique. In this particular
nexus, the more appropriate working is in the mental and
mental/emotional powers of analysis and observation. When the
strongest and least distorted complex is set in support, then the
less strong portions of the complex shall be strengthened. This
entity has long worked with this catalyst. However, this is the
first occasion wherein the drugs to dull the pain that sharpens the
catalyst have been refused.
Questioner: Can Ra recommend anything that the instrument can do or
that we can do to improve any of the energies of the instrument?
Ra: I am Ra. This is previously covered material. We have outlined
the path the instrument may take in thought.
Questioner: I didn’t mean to cover previously covered material. I
was hoping to add to this anything that we could do to specifically
focus on at this time, the best possible thing that we or the
instrument could do to improve these energies, the salient activity.
Ra: I am Ra. Before responding we ask your vigilance during pain
flares as the channel is acceptable but is being distorted
periodically by the severe physical distortions of the yellow-ray
chemical body of the instrument.
Those salient items for the support group are praise and
thanksgiving in harmony. These the group has accomplished with such
a degree of acceptability that we cavil not at the harmony of the
group. As to the instrument, the journey from worth in action to
worth in esse is arduous. The entity has denied itself in order to
be free of that which it calls addiction. This sort of martyrdom,
and here we speak of the small but symbolically great sacrifice of
the clothing, causes the entity to frame a selfhood in poorness
which feeds unworthiness unless the poverty is seen to be true
richness. In other words, good works for the wrong reasons cause
confusion and distortion. We encourage the instrument to value
itself and to see that its true requirements are valued by the self.
We suggest contemplation of true richness of being.
RA, Fragment 54
Session 104, July 27, 1983
Jim: Ra made a point in Session 104 that seems to us to be one of
the central principles which govern our evolution through the third
density. It was in reference to the amount of exercise which would
be most appropriate for Carla when her body was near normal and when
it was weakened by one distortion or another. Ra suggested that it
should be exercised more when weakened by distortion because “It is
the way of distortion that in order to balance a distortion one must
In the next response Ra refers to the use of gifts with which one
has entered the incarnation as a kind of “Use it, or lose it”
When Book One of The Law Of One was being published by The Donning
Company under the title of The Ra Material, we were asked to write
an introduction. In one portion of that introduction Carla was
writing about the concept of reincarnation. When we got the galley
proofs back from The Donning Company we noticed that a sentence
which we had not written had somehow appeared in what we had
written. It was truly “subjectively interesting.”
Ra’s eloquent closing was in response to a series of queries
concerning our oldest cat, Gandalf, who then was going blind and
losing weight, apparently in preparation for death. We have
considered leaving this material out, once again, because it has
little general application, but we have left it in because Ra’s
desire not to infringe upon our free will is notable and well
Carla: When people try to improve their living habits, they always
go for diet and exercise as being the first things to change. I
think these changes have a mental and emotional benefit as well as a
physical one, in that it feels as good for the mind as the body to
be doing something when there is a concern. The concern for me, by
all three of us, seemed never-ending. I don’t watch soap operas;
they move too slowly for me to keep an interest. But certainly at
this point we were living in one. I was steadily losing weight, even
eating more than I ever had. So the focus was on diet and exercise.
I think we all felt better because we were trying to work on the
problems actively. It did, however, seem to take up so much time!
Much of the days seemed spent on maintenance. We all were stressed
by the situation.
I always have loved my childhood summers spent dancing at the Noyes
Rhythm Foundation’s camp in Portland, Connecticut. It exists still
today, and is a wonderful place altogether, one I cannot recommend
highly enough, for you can live in a tent, dance on a sprung wood
floor to classical piano music in an open pavilion with greenswards
and forest about in an absolutely unspoiled environment. The
teachers still follow Florence Fleming Noyes’ original method of
instruction, which posits that all things have their own rhythm, so
one may dance a starfish or a star, a bear or a horse or a blade of
grass. It teaches that all things are alive, and that they are all
one consciousness. It is very like the Isadora Duncan style of
dancing, but with a much elevated philosophy driving the technique.
You can be a beginner and still have a wonderful time. I certainly
did, and I measured the exercises I was doing at that time with the
yardstick of the dance. The walking came up short! But I was
faithful and kept up with the routine. Jim usually was kind enough
to walk with me, which motivated me greatly.
I see here, for the first time, really, that Ra was echoing Don’s
request of me, which always was to take more time just to sit. I am
an avid reader, and have always loved to toss myself headlong into a
romance or science fiction or fantasy novel. To this day it is not
unusual for me to read a book a day. Ah, if only the books were
“good literature”! but NO! I love to read just for fun, and winkle
away to adventure-land. As time has passed, I have more and more
found the time to rest in silence, but still tend to read too much.
The stomach problems were to plague me for some years; indeed,
still. But things were greatly aided in 1988, when my doctor finally
figured out that my gall bladder was infected. Ever since 1982, they
had been reading the picture of my gall bladder as showing some
sludge—not an operable problem. However, in actuality it was simply
infected, and not working at all. Until the sick organ was removed,
I was to suffer greatly. And four years later, in 1992, I had the
second cleansing operation, when half my colon was removed. These
days, I still deal with discomfort throughout the GI tract, but it
is not beyond management, and most days I can do well and just put
such aches and pains out of my mind. When the sessions were going on
in 1983, however, I was in sorry shape. The stress of knowing things
weren’t right with Don was undoubtedly a factor here.
One can note the way Ra moved fluidly between the psyche and the
soma in working with illness. They linked the severity of the pain
to work in consciousness, which I was pursuing as intensively as I
could, but to slow avail. When one has felt unworthy for a long
time, one is slow to learn self-respect of the deep and lasting
kind. I was embarking on a life-lesson which was all about learning
to be wise and live. Don was also embarking upon a journey, a much
darker one. He was learning how to love completely and die.
Meanwhile our beloved cat, Gandalf, was getting old and creaky. How
he loved us! He wanted only to be on us, or beside us, always. His
devotion never let up, even when, in Georgia some months later, we
had to lift him to the food and sand-box, as he could no longer
walk. He would move heaven and earth just to be with us, and I got
in the habit of carrying him with me so he would not have to walk on
his sore paws.
It may seem like Donald spent a lot of time on this kitty, but you
have to remember how much like a child such a special pet is. We had
no children; being celibate, he wasn’t likely to sire a family. But
we did have Gandalf and Fairchild. They meant a great deal to us, as
our cats still do to Jim and me.
Notice how the tuning started drifting as Don persisted in trying to
get specific information from Ra. It is abuse of a well-tuned
channel to ask for specific information, I think. And notice how
Ra’s suggestions for bettering a situation always begin with
rejoicing in, giving thanks for and praising the situation, whatever
it is. To Ra’s way of thinking, when the attitude with which you met
the moment was praise and thanksgiving, you’d be best prepared to
meet it well. Simple advice, hard to follow, but worth it.
Session 104, July 27, 1983
Ra: I am Ra. We greet you in the love and in the light of the one
infinite Creator. We communicate now.
Questioner: Could you first please give me the condition of the
Ra: I am Ra. The readings are somewhat less distorted towards
physical bankruptcy and vital energy loss than at the previous
asking. There is still considerable bias in these readings.
Questioner: The instrument would like to know what is the optimum
amount of aerobics, walking, and whirlpool exercises for the best
condition at this time?
Ra: I am Ra. We shall answer in two ways. Firstly, to speak to the
general case which pertains to this instrument in varying degree.
Each form of exercise is well accomplished approximately three to
four times per your week. The amount of exercise, all quantified as
one sum, is approximately one hour per diurnal period.
We now answer in a second way, distorted in this response to the
duple conditions of yellow-ray, physical difficulty and mind complex
distortion. The swirling waters then must needs be viewed as being
appropriate four to five of your times per week. The walking and the
exercising as much as is desired by the entity. The total of all
these should in no case exceed ninety minutes per diurnal period.
The yellow-ray, physical body has been experiencing that which is
called lupoid changes in much tissue of muscle and some of the
organs as well. The exercise regains the wasting physical muscular
strength. In some ways the walking is the more appropriate exercise
due to the proximity of the entity to second-density creatures,
particularly your trees. However, the habitation you enjoy does not
offer such opportunity and instead offers the proximity to creations
of mind/body/spirit complexes. This does not feed the
mental/emotional needs of this entity although it produces the same
physical result. The exercise fulfills more of the mental/emotional
need due to the entity’s fondness for rhythmic expressions of the
body such as those found in athletic endeavors derivative of the
artifact system which is known among your peoples as the dance.
We suggest the support group encourage any exercise except that
which exceeds the time limit which is already far beyond the
physical limitations of this body complex. It is the way of
distortion that in order to balance a distortion one must accentuate
it. Thusly, the over-wearing of the body may, if correctly
motivated, produce a lack of deficit at which juncture the lesser
exercise limitations should be put into practice.
Questioner: The instrument has determined that the unwise use of her
will is its use without the joy and faith components and constitutes
martyrdom. Would Ra comment on that, please?
Ra: I am Ra. We are pleased that the entity has pondered that which
has been given. We would comment as follows. It is salubrious for
the instrument to have knowledge which is less distorted towards
martyrdom and which is rich in promise. The entity which is strong
to think shall either be strong to act or that which it has shall be
removed. Thus manifestation of knowledge is an area to be examined
by the instrument.
We would further note that balancing which, in this entity’s case,
is best accomplished in analysis and manifestation seated with the
contemplation of silence may be strengthened by manifested silence
and lack of routine activity. We may go no further than this
recommendation of regularized leisure, and desire that the entity
discover the fundamental truths of these distortions as it will.
Questioner: Is there anything further that we can do to help the
instrument’s stomach and back spasming problem?
Ra: I am Ra. The greatest aid is already being given to the fullest.
The encouragement of the instrument to refrain from the oil-fried
nature of foodstuffs in its intake is helpful. Cheerful harmony is
helpful. The spasms must subside as a function of the entity’s
indigo-ray work and, to some extent, the recommendations made in
response to a previous query. The definitive refraining from
over-stepping the already swollen boundaries of physical limitation
is recommended. The infection remains and the symptoms are now far
less medicable, the entity having chosen the catalyst.
Questioner: Can you tell us what is wrong with our cat’s, Gandalf’s,
Ra: I am Ra. The one known as Gandalf nears the end of its
incarnation. Its eyesight dims and the aqueous membrane becomes
tough. This is not a comfortable circumstance, but is one which
causes the entity no true discomfort.
Questioner: Is there anything that we can do to alleviate this
Ra: I am Ra. There is a course of therapy which would aid the
situation. However, we do not recommend it as the condition is more
benign than the treatment.
Questioner: I don’t understand. Could you explain what you meant?
Ra: I am Ra. A doctor of the allopathic tradition would give you the
drops for the eyes. The cat would find the experience of being
confined while the drops were given more distorted than the
discomfort it now feels but is able to largely ignore.
Questioner: Can the cat see at all?
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
Questioner: Does it seem that the cat will lose all of its vision in
the very near future, or is the cat very near death?
Ra: I am Ra. The one known as Gandalf will not lose eyesight or life
on most possibility/probability vortices for three of your seasons,
Questioner: I feel very bad about the condition of the cat and
really would like to help it. Can Ra suggest anything that we can do
to help out Gandalf?
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
Questioner: What would that be?
Ra: I am Ra. Firstly, we would suggest that possibility/probability
vortices include those in which the entity known as Gandalf has a
lengthier incarnation. Secondly, we would suggest that this entity
goes to a graduation if it desires. Otherwise, it may choose to
reincarnate to be with those companions it has loved. Thirdly, the
entity known to you as Betty has the means of making the entity more
distorted towards comfort/discomfort.
Questioner: Could you tell me who you mean by Betty? I’m not sure
that I know who you mean by Betty. And what Betty would do?
Ra: I am Ra. The one known as Carla has this information.
Questioner: I’m concerned about the possibility of moving. If we did
move it would make it very difficult for Gandalf to find his way
around a new place if he can’t see. Does he see enough to be able to
find his way around a new environment?
Ra: I am Ra. The vision is less than adequate but is nearly
accommodated by a keen sense of smell and of hearing. The companions
and the furnishings being familiar, a new milieu would be reasonably
expected to be satisfactorily acceptable within a short period of
Questioner: Could we administer the drops that you spoke of that
would help his eyesight so that he wouldn’t be confined? Is there
any way that we could do that?
Ra: I am Ra. It is unlikely.
Questioner: There’s nothing that we can do? Is there any other
possibility of using any techniques to help his eyesight?
Ra: I am Ra. No.
Questioner: Is this loss of eyesight … What is the metaphysical
reason for the loss of eyesight? What brought it about?
Ra: I am Ra. In this case the metaphysical component is tiny. This
is the condign catalyst of old age.
Questioner: Would the drops that you spoke of that would aid the
eyesight … How much would they aid the eyesight if they were
Ra: I am Ra. Over a period of applications the eyesight would
improve somewhat, perhaps 20, perhaps 30%. The eye region would feel
less tight. Balanced against this is rapidly increasing stiffness of
motion so that the holding in a still position is necessarily quite
Questioner: Then Ra thinks that the benefit derived from these drops
would not be worth the cat’s discomfort. This would probably … Is
there any way that the cat could be given anesthetic and the drops
put into the eyes so that the cat was not aware of them?
Ra: I am Ra. The harm done by putting the allopathic anesthetic into
the body complex of this harvestable entity far overshadows the
stillness accruing therefrom which would allow administration of
Questioner: I’m sorry to belabor this subject so much, but I was
really hoping to come up with something to help Gandalf. I assume
then that Ra has suggested that we leave things as they are. How
many applications of drops would be necessary to get some help for
the eyes, roughly?
Ra: Approximately 40 to 60.
Questioner: Each day, or something like that?
Ra: I am Ra. Please expel breath over this instrument’s breast.
(This was done as directed.)
Questioner: Is that satisfactory?
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
Questioner: I had asked if the drops should be administered once per
diurnal period. Is that correct?
Ra: I am Ra. This depends upon the allopathic physician from whom
you receive them.
Questioner: What is the name of the drops?
Ra: I am Ra. We have a difficulty. Therefore, we shall refrain from
answering this query.
Questioner: I am sorry to belabor this point. I am very concerned
about the cat, and I understand that Ra recommends that we do not
use the drops and we won’t. I just wanted to know what it was that
we weren’t doing that would help the eyesight and I apologize for
belaboring this point. I’ll close just by asking Ra if there is any
further recommendation that he could make with respect to this cat?
Ra: I am Ra. Rejoice in its companionship.
Questioner: When we got our introduction back from our publisher on
the book which originally was called The Law Of One, in the
introduction Carla had been speaking on reincarnation and there was
this sentence added, “For although originally part of Jesus’
teachings they were censored from all subsequent editions by the
Empress.” Would Ra please comment on the source of that being placed
in our introduction?
Ra: I am Ra. This follows the way of subjectively interesting
happenings, conditions, circumstances, or coincidences.
We would suggest one more full query at this time.
Questioner: Prior to the veiling process there was, I am assuming,
no archetypical plan for the evolutionary process. It was totally
left up to the free will of the mind/body/spirits to evolve in any
way that they desired. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. No.
I am Ra. We leave you in appreciation of the circumstances of the
great illusion in which you now choose to play the pipe and timbrel
and move in rhythm. We are also players upon a stage. The stage
changes. The acts ring down. The lights come up once again. And
throughout the grand illusion and the following and the following
there is the undergirding majesty of the one infinite Creator. All
is well. Nothing is lost. Go forth rejoicing in the love and the
light, the peace and the power of the one infinite Creator. I am Ra.
RA, Fragment 55
Session 105, October 19, 1983
Jim: After a good deal of searching we finally did find a house
north of Atlanta to which we were about to move in November of 1983.
We decided to query Ra about the metaphysical cleansing needs of
this new dwelling before moving there, and that was the purpose of
this session. As Jim was giving Carla her pre-session massage he
noted reddened welts, symmetrical in nature, on both sides of her
back. They were similar to the welting which had covered her body
when her kidneys failed at age thirteen from glomerulo nephritis.
Apparently, if Carla had chosen to meet difficulties in completing
our lease agreement with our landlord by allowing a feeling of
separation from him to occur or had allowed this same feeling of
separation to grow for Don as he hemmed and hawed about what house
to choose in Atlanta, that allowing of separation of self from
other-self could have been energized by our negative friend until
her self was separated from her physical vehicle, and her
incarnation would have been at its end. She had to deal with our
landlord, who had numerous requirements for our leaving that he felt
justified in making, and with Don’s mental condition, which was
beginning to show further signs of the long-term stress to mind and
body that commuting and worrying about his job had brought about.
Strikes and bankruptcy were continually threatening Eastern Airlines
and, though he knew it would be easier to get to work from his base
in Atlanta, he had great difficulty in even looking at houses in
Atlanta, much less choosing one, because of his life-long love of
Louisville and the comfort and beauty of our home as we had known it
together. But our home was up for sale, and we had to move
My first trip with the twenty-four foot U-haul truck saw me lost in
the mountains of northern Georgia. Many curves and turns later I
found our new home in the countryside around Lake Lanier. It was
midnight when I saw the house for the first time—Don and Carla had
picked it out—and I immediately began searching in the darkness for
each window and doorway to perform the ritual of cleansing with salt
and blessed water. It was an inauspicious beginning to an unusual
A small beginning is made near the end of this session to query
again on the archetypical mind, and Ra’s comment at the end of this
session is a key part of the mystery of Don’s illness and his death.
Carla: By the time Don accepted the house we moved into, he was in a
settled state of disorientation, something unknown before this time.
I, too, was quite at low ebb. Dimly grasping that I needed to be
exquisitely correct in all ethical dealings, and willing to go to
almost any lengths to remain in the light, I did manage to keep the
anger and vast irritation I felt with our landlord out of my actual
dealings with him. We packed up the kitties and Don flew us down to
Atlanta. Friends drove our cars down, another friend drove the
second rental van, and we piled into a huge and glamorous—and
decidedly non-winterized—lakefront house in Cumming, Georgia. As if
warning us that this trip was going to be dicey, Jim’s first attempt
to take the van to Georgia found him fetched up, barely sixty miles
from Louisville, with a broken truck. We disregarded this event, and
The whole five months that we were there was like a sit-com,
overlaid with bizarre situations. Cumming was the county seat of
Forsythe County, a place notorious for its prejudice against any
race but Caucasian. On a Saturday, one could drive through the
little town and see Ku Klux Clan members in regalia, except for
their head-masks and hats, handing out brochures at the stop lights.
Grandmothers, children, all ages and both sexes wore these sad
little costumes and waved racial hatred around as though it were
cotton candy. I had planned to join the Robert Shaw Chorale, but
when I sang my piece, there was a misunderstanding, and the judges
thought I had sung a wrong note. So I did not get accepted,
something I had not even thought of. I had been singing all my life,
and I was a competent chorus member. But I was out. Instead, needing
to sing, I found a little group in the Cumming area, and plodded
along while I was there with Irish folk songs and the like, fun to
sing but not the marvelous prayer experience I had always found
classical sacred choral singing to offer. I planned to sing, on
Sundays, at the cathedral there, St. Philip’s, and had made every
arrangement to do so. But they would not let me start singing until
after Christmas, a practice the church had been forced to adopt
after people tried to drop in for Christmas and not sing the rest of
the year. Meanwhile, I found a mission church five minutes from our
house which had no choir whatever. So I stayed in tiny All Saints’
mission, and sang the old Anglican hymns during Eucharist. Every
expectation was baffled. Nothing worked out as envisioned.
The worst of it was that Don had more, not less, to do in order to
arrive at work. He had to run the whole gamut of paralyzing traffic
from far north of Atlanta to south of it, where the airport was. And
the weather seemed fated to make things harder. It was extremely
cold in Georgia that winter, and when icing conditions were there,
as was the case several times, there was absolutely no way to drive
anywhere. I can remember Don having to stay in a motel he managed to
slide into the parking lot of, unable to reach either home or work.
Christmas Eve found me singing two services at All Saints’ while Jim
and Don bailed water from burst pipes. By the time the New Year
came, the wet carpets had begun to become moldy, and both Don and I
were allergic to mold and mildew. As luxurious as the house was for
fun on the lake in summer, it was nothing short of a disaster as far
as winter living went. I got ulcers on my toes because they were so
cold—the floor was never warmer than fifty degrees, ever.
Since all this was wrong with the house, we immediately began
looking again for another house, both in Atlanta and back in
Louisville. We never had one settled day in Georgia and, pretty as
the state was, I cannot say I would wish to be there again. Until
Don found the house we now live in, in March, we were in a constant
restless perch, having no real order to things. Our belongings
remained boxed, our feelings fragile. I was the one who dealt with
the new landlord, which was not a picnic. Don was very insistent
that we move immediately for the whole time there, so even though we
did stay in that one place for five months, the landlord and I had
to talk at least weekly so that he could be apprised of our latest
plans—none of which worked out. Finally, in March, he asked us to
leave, so that his family could use the house themselves that
summer. It was at that juncture that Don flew to Louisville by
himself over a weekend, found this lovely and venerable old bungalow
in which we still live, and agreed to buy it.
Buying a house was something Don had always felt was unwise for
himself to do. And as soon as he had done it, he began to regret it.
For Jim and me, this was most difficult to bear, as we had unwisely
let ourselves hope that we would come to this little exurb and
really settle in and just live as we had before. But Don remained
convinced that we must move, again, while always turning down any
possible place we found to look at. When I found a house twenty
thousand dollars cheaper, with a duplex design which would give Don
and me a full home plus an apartment for Jim, and Don turned that
down too, I realized that something was really wrong. Things were in
a fine pickle.
In this atmosphere, it was faintly off-balance even to try to pursue
the work and questioning about the archetypical mind which we had
begun, but persist we did, cleansing the new working room daily and
hoping for the day when we could have another session with those of
Ra. I remember feelings of great hope and faith welling up within me
as this period spent itself, and wonderings about what in the world
was happening with Don. None of us knew anything to do except
persevere, and follow Ra’s suggestion to meet all with praise and
thanks. Or try!
Session 105, October 19, 1983
Ra: I am Ra. I greet you, my friends, in the love and in the light
of the one infinite Creator. We communicate now.
Questioner: Could you first please give me the condition of the
Ra: I am Ra. The vital energies of this instrument are in a much
more biased state than the previous asking, with the faculties of
will and faith having regained their prominent place in this
entity’s existence and balance. The physical deficit continues.
Questioner: I am sorry that we have to ask so many maintenance
questions. We seem to be in a confused condition now with respect to
our abilities to continue in the direction that we wish to with
respect to the archetypical mind.
I would like to ask what caused the symmetrical welts on the
instrument’s back, and is there anything further that we can do to
heal the instrument and her condition, including these welts?
Ra: I am Ra. The welting is a symptom of that which has been a
prolonged psychic greeting. The opportunity for this entity to
experience massive allergic reaction from streptococcal and
staphylococcal viruses has been offered in hopes that this entity
would wish to leave the incarnation. The previous occurrence of this
state of the mind complex which occurred upon, in your
time-numbering system, the ninth month, the twelfth day, of your
present planetary solar revolution caught your fifth-density
companion unprepared. The entity is now prepared.
There have been two instances wherein this entity could have started
the reaction since the first opportunity was missed. Firstly, the
opportunity to separate self from other-self in connection with the
choosing of an house. Secondly, the possible vision of self
separated from other-self in regard to the dissolving of mundane
bonds concerning the leaving of this dwelling. Both opportunities
were met by this entity with a refusal to separate self from
other-self with further work also upon the indigo-ray level
concerning the avoidance of martyrdom while maintaining unity in
Thusly, this instrument has had its immunal defenses breached and
its lymphatic system involved in the invasion of these viri. You may
see some merit in a purging of the instrument’s yellow-ray, chemical
body in order to more quickly aid the weakened body complex in its
attempt to remove these substances. Techniques include therapeutic
enemas or colonics, the sauna once or twice in a day, and the use of
vigorous rubbing of the integument for the period of approximately
seven of your diurnal periods.
We speak not of diet, not because it might not aid, but because this
entity ingests small quantities of any substance and is already
avoiding certain substances, notably fresh milk and oil.
Questioner: Is there any particular place that the integument should
be vigorously rubbed?
Ra: I am Ra. No.
Questioner: Could you please tell me what caused Jim’s kidney
problem to return, and what can be done to heal it?
Ra: I am Ra. The entity, Jim, determined that it would cleanse
itself and thus would spend time/space and space/time in pursuit and
contemplation of perfection. The dedication to this working was
intensified until the mind/body/spirit complex rang in harmony with
this intention. The entity did not grasp the literal way in which
metaphysical intentions are translated by the body complex of one
working in utter unity of purpose. The entity began the period of
prayer, fasting, penitence, and rejoicing. The body complex, which
was not yet fully recovered from the nephrotic syndrome, began to
systematically cleanse each organ, sending all the detritus that was
not perfect through kidneys which were not given enough liquid to
dilute the toxins being released. The toxins stayed with the body
complex and reactivated a purely physical illness. There is no
metaphysical portion in this relapse.
The healing is taking place in manifestation of an affirmation of
body complex health which, barring untoward circumstance, shall be
Questioner: Is any consideration of the appropriateness of the house
at Lake Lanier which we intend to move to or special preparation
other than that planned advisable?
Ra: I am Ra. We believe you have queried obliquely. Please requery.
Questioner: We plan to cleanse the property at the Lake Lanier
location using the techniques prescribed by Ra having to do with
using the salt for 36 hours, etc. I would like to know if this is
sufficient or if there is any salient problem with respect to moving
to that house that Ra could advise upon at this time please.
Ra: I am Ra. The cleansing of the dwelling of which you speak need
be only three nights and two days. This dwelling is benign. The
techniques are acceptable. We find three areas in which use of
garlic as previously described would be beneficial. Firstly, the
bunk bed room, below the top sleeping pallet. Secondly, the exterior
of the dwelling facing the road and centering about the small rocks
approximately two-thirds of the length of the dwelling from the
Thirdly, there is the matter of the boathouse. We suggest weekly
cleansings of that area with garlic, the cut onions and the walking
of a light-filled perimeter. The garlic and onion, renewed weekly,
should remain permanently hung, suspended from string or wire
Questioner: Just so that I don’t make a mistake in interpreting your
directions with respect to the second area outside the house, could
you give me a distance and magnetic compass heading from the exact
center of the dwelling to that position?
Ra: I am Ra. We may only be approximate but would suggest a distance
of 37 feet, a magnetic heading of 84 to 92 degrees.
Questioner: I know that it is unimportant for our purposes and from
the philosophical point of view I don’t want to do anything to upset
the Law of Confusion, so don’t feel that it is necessary to answer
this, but I was wondering what condition created the necessity for
such continual cleansing of the boathouse?
Ra: I am Ra. The intent is to create a perimeter within which the
apiary denizens will not find it necessary to sting and indeed will
not find it promising to inhabit.
Questioner: Are you speaking of bees or wasps or creatures of that
Ra: I am Ra. That is so.
Questioner: Are Jim’s plans and ritual for the deconsecrating of
this dwelling sufficient, or should something be added or changed?
Ra: I am Ra. No change is necessary. The points necessary to be
included in consecration or deconsecration of the place are covered.
We may suggest that each second-density, woody plant which you have
invested during your tenancy within this dwelling be thanked and
Questioner: Is there any other suggestion that Ra could make with
respect to any part of this move that is planned, and will it—will
we have any problems at all in contacting Ra in the new dwelling,
and if so, will Ra tell us about those and what we could do to
alleviate any problems in contacting Ra in the new dwelling?
Ra: I am Ra. We weigh this answer carefully, for it comes close to
abrogation of free will, but find the proximity acceptable due to
this instrument’s determination to be of service to the one infinite
Creator regardless of personal circumstances.
Any physical aid upon the part of the instrument in the packing and
unpacking will activate those allergic reactions lying dormant for
the most part at this time. This entity is allergic to those items
which are unavoidable in transitions within your third-density
illusion that is, dust, mildew, etc.
The one known as Bob will be of aid in this regard. The scribe
should take care also to imbibe a doubled quantity of liquids in
order that any allergically caused toxins may be flushed from the
There is no difficulty in resuming contact through this tuned
instrument with the social memory complex, Ra, in the chosen
dwelling, or, indeed, in any place whatsoever once physical and
metaphysical cleansing has been accomplished.
Questioner: I have come to the conclusion that the meaning of the
hawk that we had about a year ago when we started to move the first
time had to do with the non-benign nature of the house, in the
metaphysical sense, which I had picked. If it would not interfere
with the Law of Confusion I think that it would be philosophically
interesting to know if I am correct with respect to that.
Ra: I am Ra. What bird comes to affirm for Ra? What bird would be
chosen to warn? We ask the questioner to ponder these queries.
Questioner: We have been, you might say, experimentally determining
a lot of things about the body, the next portion of the tarot, and
have been experiencing some of the feedback effects, you might say,
between the mind and the body. From everything that we have done so
far with respect to these effects the great value of the
third-density, yellow-ray body at this time is as a device that
feeds back catalyst to create the polarization, I would say. I would
ask Ra, if initially when they were designed for third-density
experience the mind/body/spirits—not the mind/body/spirit complexes—
had as the major use of the yellow-ray body, the feeding back of
catalyst and if not, what was the purpose of the yellow-ray body?
Ra: I am Ra. The description which began your query is suitable for
the function of the mind/body/spirit or the mind/body/spirit
complex. The position in creation of physical manifestation changed
not one whit when the veil of forgetting was dropped.
Questioner: Then the yellow-ray body, from the very beginning, was
designed as what Ra has called an athanor for the mind, a device to
accelerate the evolution of the mind. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. It is perhaps more accurate to note that the
yellow-ray, physical vehicle is a necessity without which the
mind/body/spirit complex cannot pursue evolution at any pace.
Questioner: Then you are saying that the evolution of that portion
of the individual that is not yellow-ray is not possible without the
clothing at intervals in the yellow-ray body. Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. No.
Questioner: Would you clear up my thinking on that? I didn’t quite
understand your statement.
Ra: I am Ra. Each mind/body/spirit or mind/body/spirit complex has
an existence simultaneous with that of creation. It is not dependent
upon any physical vehicle. However, in order to evolve, change,
learn, and manifest the Creator the physical vehicles appropriate to
each density are necessary. Your query implied that physical
vehicles accelerated growth. The more accurate description is that
they permit growth.
Questioner: As an example I would like to take the distortion of a
disease or bodily malfunction prior to the veil and compare it to
that after the veil. Let us assume that the conditions that Jim
experienced with respect to his kidney malfunction had been an
experience that occurred prior to the veil. Would this experience
have occurred prior to the veil? Would it have been different? And
if so, how?
Ra: I am Ra. The anger of separation is impossible without the veil.
The lack of awareness of the body’s need for liquid is unlikely
without the veil. The decision to contemplate perfection in
discipline is quite improbable without the veil.
Questioner: I would like to examine a sample, shall we say, bodily
distortion prior to the veil and how it would affect the mind. Could
Ra give an example of that, please?
Ra: I am Ra. This general area has been covered. We shall
The patterns of illness, diseases, and death are a benignant
demesne5 within the plan of incarnational experience. As such, some
healing would occur by decision of mind/body/spirits, and
incarnations were experienced with the normal ending of illness to
death, accepted as such since without the veil it is clear that the
mind/body/spirit continues. Thusly, the experiences, both good and
bad, or joyful and sad, of the mind/body/spirit before veiling would
be pale, without vibrancy or the keen edge of interest that such
brings in the post-veiling mind/body/spirit complex.
demesne: In feudal law, lands held in one’s own power; A manor house
adjoining lands in the immediate use and occupation of the owner of
The grounds belonging to any residence, or any landed estate; Any
which sovereignty is exercised; domain. [< AF demeyne, OF demeine,
Doublet of DOMAIN.]
Questioner: At the end of an incarnation, before veiling, did the
entity appear physically to have aged like entities at the end of
their incarnation in our present illusion? Did the Significator look
Ra: I am Ra. The Significator of Mind, Body, or Spirit is a portion
of the archetypical mind and looks as each envisions such to appear.
The body of mind/body/spirits before veiling showed all the signs of
aging which acquaint you now with the process leading to the removal
from third-density incarnation of the mind/body/spirit complex. It
is well to recall that the difference betwixt mind/body/spirits and
mind/body/spirit complexes is a forgetting within the deeper mind.
Physical appearances and surface and instinctual activities are much
Questioner: Then I was wondering what was the root reason for the
change in appearance that we see as the aging process? I am trying
to uncover the basic philosophical premise here, but I may be
shooting in the dark and not questioning on it correctly. I am
trying to get at the reason behind the design in this change in
appearance when it seems to me that it would be just as possible for
the mind/body/spirit or mind/body/spirit complex to look the same
throughout an incarnation. Could Ra explain the reason for this
Ra: I am Ra. When the discipline of the personality has led the
mind/body/spirit complex into the fifth and especially the sixth
level of study it is no longer necessary to build destruction of the
physical vehicle into its design, for the spirit complex is so
experienced as a shuttle that it is aware when the appropriate
degree of intensity of learning and increment of lesson have been
achieved. Within third-density, not to build into the physical
vehicle its ending would be counterproductive to the
mind/body/spirit complexes therein residing, for within the illusion
it seems more lovely to be within the illusion than to drop the
garment which has carried the mind/body/ spirit complex and move on.
Questioner: I see, then, that it is, shall we say, when an
individual reaches a very old age it becomes apparent to him in
third density that he is worn out. Therefore, be is not attached to
this vehicle as firmly as he would be with a good-looking,
After the veil, the body is definitely an athanor for the mind.
Prior to the veiling did the body serve as an athanor for the mind
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
You may ask one more full query.
Questioner: I believe that I should ask if there is anything that we
can do to make the instrument more comfortable or to improve the
contact since in the last session I was not able to get that
Ra: I am Ra. We find the weariness of the group well-balanced by its
harmony. That weariness shall continue in any future circumstance
during your incarnations. Therefore look you to your love and
thanksgiving for each other and join always in fellowship,
correcting each broken strand of that affection with patience,
comfort, and quietness. We find all meticulously observed in the
alignments and give you these words only as reminder. All that can
be done for the instrument seems done with an whole heart, and the
instrument itself is working in the indigo ray with perseverance.
We have previously mentioned some temporary measures for the
instrument. If these are adopted, additional liquids shall be
imbibed by the instrument and by the questioner, whose bond with the
instrument is such that each difficulty for one is the same in
sympathy for the other.
I am Ra. I leave you rejoicing merrily in the love and the light,
the power and the peace of the one infinite Creator. Adonai.
RA, Fragment 56
Session 106, March 15, 1984
Jim: We lived in the house on Lake Lanier for five months—from
November of 1983 until April of 1984—before deciding that that
experiment had been a failure. We were only able to have one session
with Ra during that time because Don’s physical condition was
worsening, and his worry was increasing his mental distortions as
well. Most of the time Carla’s physical condition was also below the
level necessary to safely attempt contact with Ra. In January of
1984, Don’s condition became so bad that he was forced to call in
sick for the first time in his nineteen years with Eastern Airlines.
He would only fly a few more trips before his death that November.
However, as we were about to move back to Louisville, Don was able
to gin himself up to be in good enough condition for a Ra session so
we could ask about the metaphysical cleansing needs of our new home
as well as ask about Don’s and Carla’s difficulties. Ra’s reference
to Carla’s “inappropriate use of compassion” concerns her response
to Don’s continued worrying about his job, his health, and the
continuance of our work.
One afternoon while, Don was sharing his
worries, Carla simply told him that she would take over those
worries for him, and he could do what she usually did: relax, have a
good time, and be carefree. Don innocently agreed. The bond of unity
between Don and Carla was apparently of such a nature that this
simple agreement resulted in a deleterious transfer of energy
between them. This occurred at a time when both were apparently
undergoing an internal process of transformation that is usually
We can assume that our friend of negative fifth density found
targets of opportunities within these combined experiences of
initiation and the negative energy transfer and was able to increase
their intensity. The mystery-filled nature of the cumulative
situation becomes more evident here as we do not know why Carla
survived and Don didn’t. We can only remind ourselves of Ra’s
parting words after this last session when Ra suggested “the nature
of all manifestation to be illusory and functional only in so far as
the entity turns from shape and shadow to the One.”
Carla: At the time of this session, I had gone through every kind of
alarm and concern you could possibly imagine. Don had stopped
eating, more or less. He was acting extremely unlike himself, and
while I had not yet realized he was psychotic and not entirely in
our usual reality, I was disturbed and scared by these changes.
Don’s entire pattern of previous behavior with him had trained me to
respond to his wishes. Don picked our meal times, our movie dates,
he liked and received total control over my life. Call me dependent
and you’d be right. However, it was the only way Don could bear the
intimacy of a live-in relationship. I could object and be heard; I
could suggest and sometimes get lucky, but on the whole, Don was an
old-fashioned man who liked me to be at home, period. I awaited his
fancy. Meanwhile, I read, or did quiet desk work.
Suddenly, he was always asking me what I had to do next, and then
driving me, a chore which hurt his piles and which he usually left
to Jim (I was at that point no longer driving, it hurt too much.) He
simply sat while I went to church, to exercise class, to the folk
song rehearsals. Even though Jim was swamped with things to do for
L/L business, for the landlord, who had him dig a root cellar out of
red-orange clay, and for the house, Don began to try hard to stay in
and eat at home every night, also a radical departure from his usual
wont. Jim was off-balance—I think that’s as far as his humor was
affected. He was puzzled. But I was in full nervous collapse.
I feel that B.C. and I really did merge into one mind, one person,
in that “inappropriate” transfer between us triggered by my
suggestion to switch roles, and his agreement. Between us, we had a
simple dynamic: he was wise and I was loving. Actually, we shared
much ground, but our deeper natures were quite polarized between
wisdom and love. In that transfer, Don received the extreme
sensitivity with which I receive all sense impression, and the fully
expressing and open nature of my heart. And I received in full
strength the stark terror that lived behind Don’s calm and
oh-so-blue eyes, tempered by his firm and very solid grasp on the
I have come to feel that in the time from this session, which was
done two weeks before we left Atlanta thankfully to return to the
blessed hills of Kentucky, until B.C.’s death in November of that
year, Don was able to complete an entire incarnational course of how
to open his heart. I cannot express how much agony and suffering he
sustained in this time.
The concrete walls that were so very strong,
and had protected him always, fell away as if they were never there,
and he felt everything. And how he loved! He could not watch
television, even the sitcoms, because there was too much suffering.
He, the lifelong observer by actual oath, cried at the Mary Tyler
Moore Show. And when he was in the same room with me, he tried, over
and over, to explain to me just how bad the situation was. This one
thought was uppermost in his mind, always. The sheer horror of what
he was feeling wiped him fairly clean of most other emotion, and he
was unable to remain collected for long around me.
Meanwhile, I was utterly and damnably unaware of Don’s fears that I
preferred Jim. When Don began snatching me to him and kissing me,
not knowing his strength, he hurt me, cracked a rib, split the skin
of my lips against my teeth, left bruises, even, when he was in
hospital in May, put me into the hospital with him, with sciatic
nerve pain which I’d gotten having to stay in an uncomfortable chair
for several hours. (To Don, this was the only chair that was not
bugged.) I became frightened of Don. I began waking up in the
morning to find Don sitting beside me, waiting patiently for me to
awaken. When he had said “Good morning,” he simply began telling me
how bad everything was. No matter how I attempted to get him to
relax, take it easy, do what the professionals had said about
exercise and medication, and trust in time to heal—all of which I
tried to retail to him, with absolutely no success, he was utterly
sure nothing could get better, ever.
For him, reality really began
to slip away, to the point where I was afraid to ride with him. My
nerves broke under this most difficult strain. I was completely
downcast, for I could not find Don, and all I could think was that I
didn’t have him to go to—I had to keep together by myself on behalf
of me AND L/L Research, because Don was no longer with us. He seemed
a different person altogether. The color of his eyes even changed
from deep, brilliant sky-blue to navy. I’d been doing his paperwork
for a long time. I knew that Don had slightly more than two years of
built-up sick time with the airlines, and had interacted with
everyone who had to be notified of his illness. Everyone, to a man,
wanted nothing more than that Don take all that time, if that’s what
it took, to get it together again. The crises in his head were not
real to me, or to Jim. Only he had the awful sense of impending
economic doom. Don made a comfortable salary. His expenses for all
three of us and the kitties cost him about half his check, usually,
each month. But Don lost all hope, and truly that being that he
became was living in hell.
And how can I look at that and say that it is all part of a perfect
pattern? Only by having been given the grace to see it, finally,
after many years of gazing at the riveting scenes in memory, probing
them and working with them over the days, months and years since Don
died. Fifteen years have passed, and that gives a much clearer
perspective. In accepting at last the importance of the open and
giving heart to balance wisdom, Don completed the personal lesson he
intended to learn. Opening his heart killed his body, but truly he
was rejoicing not a day after he was gone from the physical
illusion, for he appeared to me several times joyful and laughing
and telling me all was well. And I, my nerves permanently less than
they were before the Ra contact and Don’s death, have embarked upon
that balancing of the compassion I have been given and earned in
this next lesson, which began the day Don died.
When I woke the morning after Don’s suicide, I expected my hair to
be completely white. There was no outer change. But I began a
completely new life at this point. Until November of 1990, I spent
my time in self-judgment almost entirely. I had found out about
Don’s suspicions of me, and felt that he had enlarged these fears
until he’d killed himself over them. It was my fault, not because I
was guilty of any sort of infidelity, but because I should have
guessed what he was thinking and reassured him. But this never
occurred to me, in my foolish pride. I just assumed that he would
KNOW that I, that paragon of virtue, would never break an agreement.
I really have a continuing problem with pride, because I do try to
be exact in my ethics. I got completely blindsided with Don’s
It was further confusing that every doctor, social worker, and
friend suggested the same thing—that Jim and I needed to let him
alone, not to try to bribe him to do things, because he was going to
have to make the decision to get well himself, and we would only
lengthen the process if we fussed. Looking back, how I wish I had
had the vision to say “NUTS” to that and just stay with him no
matter what. And yet, as I tried my best to do just that, vowing to
stay if it killed me, my body simply went dumb on me, and I woke up
one morning pretty out of touch with reality. From March onward, my
beloved Don was in full and fast decline, and I was walking through
a complete nervous breakdown.
The allergies which had Don so worried about the Hobbs Park house
were on his mind because of the lake house’s unhappy brush with
being flooded by burst pipes that frigid Christmas Eve. The damp had
penetrated deep into the thick wall-to-wall carpeting in the
hallway, and rendered about half the house unlivable for me and Don.
When we arrived here, we found a dry basement, or rather a basement
with a sump pump and no unusual drainage problems. The humidity was
fine, and the place was, indeed, a very angelic-feeling place, one
which Jim and I have come to love deeply. It was Don’s last work in
the world, to pick out this place. As always, he did a fantastic
job. It has been a privilege to be able to abide here, where my
Donald was alive, where he suffered and died, and where he loved me
so well. Jim and I have turned to this lovely little bungalow and
its modest yard, and have made more and more of it into gardens. We
are still working for Don! That gives us both great comfort.
Whatever we do, it is only the continuation of that which he so
wonderfully began with his sharp mind and wide and thoughtful
It has been a dark-hued experience for me, complete with literally
years of suicidal feelings and self-condemnation. Yet through this
catalyst, I have learned to love myself, really to love and care for
my self without trying to justify or defend. And this is not so much
an advance in loving as it is an advance in wisdom—for one learns to
love the mistakes only through wisdom. While I shall definitely
never come vaguely close to being as wise as Don, I can feel the
gifts he left with me. My intelligence has a persistence and clarity
I feel are his gifts to me. And I see it as my remaining personal
lesson to follow the pattern of devotion and love through every day
and hour of the rest of this earthly life. I live now for both of
us, as he died for both of us. And I feel the peace that comes with
cooperation with one’s destiny.
Session 106, March 15, 1984
Ra: I am Ra. I greet you in the love and in the light of the one
infinite Creator. We communicate now.
Questioner: Could you first please give me the condition of the
Ra: I am Ra. The parameters of this instrument are marginal, both
physically and mental/emotionally. The vital energy of this entity
is biased towards strength/weakness.
Questioner: What would the instrument do to make the marginal
condition much better?
Ra: I am Ra. The instrument is proceeding through a portion of the
incarnational experience during which the potential for mortal
distortion of the left renal system is great. Less important, but
adding to the marginality of distortion towards viability, are
severe allergic reactions and the energizing of this and other
distortions towards weakness/strength. The mental/emotional complex
is engaged in what may best be termed inappropriate compassion.
Questioner: Would Ra recommend the steps which we might take to
alleviate or reverse the conditions of which you just spoke?
Ra: I am Ra. We can do this. The renal distortions are subject to
affirmations. The entity, at present, beginning what may be called
initiation, is releasing toxins and, therefore, larger amounts of
liquids to aid in the dilution of these toxins is helpful. The
allergies are already being largely controlled by affirmation and
the near-constant aid of the healer known as Bob. Further aid may be
achieved by the relocation of dwelling and future vigilance against
humidity exceeding the healthful amount in the atmosphere breathed.
The mental/emotional distortions are somewhat less easily lessened.
However, the questioner and instrument together shall find it
possible to do such a working.
Questioner: How serious or critical is this renal problem? Is
drinking liquids the only thing she can do for that, or is there
Ra: I am Ra. Note the interrelationship of mind and body complexes.
This is one example of such interweaving of the design of catalyst
and experience. The period of renal delicacy is serious, but only
potentially. Should the instrument desire to leave this
incarnational experience the natural and non-energized opportunity
to do so has been in-built just as the period during which the same
entity did, in fact, leave the incarnational experience and then
return by choice was inlaid.
However, the desire to leave and be no more a portion of this
particular experiential nexus can and has been energized. This is a
point for the instrument to ponder and an appropriate point for the
support group to be watchful in regards to care for the instrument.
So are mind and body plaited up as the tresses of hair of a maiden.
The nature of this entity is gay and sociable so that it is fed by
those things we have mentioned previously: the varieties of
experience with other-selves and other locations and events being
helpful, as well as the experience of worship and the singing,
especially of sacred music. This entity chose to enter a worshipful
situation with a martyr’s role when first in this geographical
location. Therefore, the feeding by worship has taken place only
partially. Similarly the musical activities, though enjoyable and,
therefore of a feeding nature, have not included the aspect of
praise to the Creator.
The instrument is in a state of relative hunger for those spiritual
homes which it gave up when it felt a call to martyrdom and turned
from the planned worship at the location you call the Cathedral of
St. Philip. This too shall be healed gradually due to the proposed
alteration in location of this group.
Questioner: Then as I understand it, the best thing for us to do is
to advise the instrument to drink more liquid. I think water would
be best. We will, of course, move. We could move her out of here
immediately—tomorrow say—if necessary. Would this be considerably
better than waiting two to three weeks for the allergies and
Ra: I am Ra. Such decisions are a matter for free-will choice. Be
aware of the strength of the group harmony.
Questioner: Is there anything, with respect to the present spiritual
or metaphysical condition or physical condition of this Hobbs Park
Road house that Ra could tell us about that would be deleterious to
the instrument’s health?
Ra: I am Ra. We may speak to this subject only to note that there
are mechanical electrical devices which control humidity. The
basement level is one location, the nature of which is much like
that which you have experienced at the basement level of your
previous domicile. Less humid conditions would remove the
opportunity for the growth of those spores to which the instrument
has sensitivity. The upper portions of the domicile are almost, in
every case, at acceptable levels of humidity.
Questioner: How about the metaphysical quality of the house? Could
Ra appraise that please?
Ra: I am Ra. This location is greatly distorted. We find an
acceptable description of this location’s quality to elude us
without recourse to hackneyed words. Forgive our limitations of
expression. The domicile and its rear aspect, especially, is blessed
and angelic presences have been invoked for some of your time past.
Questioner: I’m not sure that I understand what Ra means by that.
I’m not sure if the place is metaphysically extremely good or
extremely negative. Could Ra clear that up, please?
Ra: I am Ra. We intended to stress the metaphysical excellence of
the proposed location. The emblements of such preparation may well
be appreciated by this group.
Questioner: Would the cleansing by salt and water be necessary for
this location then? Or would it be recommended?
Ra: I am Ra. There is the recommended metaphysical cleansing as in
any relocation. No matter how fine the instrument, the tuning still
is recommended between each concert or working.
Questioner: If the instrument stays out of the basement, do you
think that the humidity and the physical conditions will be good for
the instrument then? Is that correct?
Ra: I am Ra. No.
Questioner: We must do something about the humidity in the whole
house then to make it good for the instrument. Is that correct?
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
Questioner: I want to come back to a couple of points here, but I
want to get in a question about myself. It seems to be critical at
this point. Could Ra tell me what is physically wrong with me,
what’s causing it, and what I could do to alleviate it?
Ra: I am Ra. The questioner is one also in the midst of further
initiation. During this space/time the possibility for
mental/emotional distortion approaching that which causes the entity
to become dysfunctional is marked. Further, the yellow-ray, chemical
vehicle of the questioner is aging and has more difficulty in the
absorption of needed minerals such as iron and other substances such
as papain, potassium, and calcium.
At the same time the body of yellow-ray begins to have more
difficulty eliminating trace elements such as aluminum. The
energizing effect has occurred in the colon of the questioner and
the distortions in that area are increasingly substantial. Lastly,
there is a small area of infection in the mouth of the questioner
which needs attention.
Questioner: Could Ra recommend what I should do to improve my state
Ra: I am Ra. We tread most close to the Law of Confusion in this
instance but feel the appropriateness of speaking due to potentially
fatal results for the instrument. We pause to give the questioner
and the scribe a few moments of space/time to aid us by stepping
away from those distortions which cause us to invoke the Law of
Confusion. This would be helpful.
(A few moments pause)
I am Ra. We appreciate your attempts. Even confusion on your
behalves is helpful The questioner has, in the recent past, allowed
a complete transfer of mental/emotional pain from the questioner to
the instrument. The key to this deleterious working was when the
instrument said words to the effect of the meaning that it would be
the questioner and be the strong one. The questioner could be as the
instrument, small and foolish. The questioner, in full ignorance of
the firm intent of the instrument and not grasping the possibility
of any such energy transfer, agreed.
These two entities have been as one for a timeless period and have
manifested this in your space/time. Thusly, the deleterious working
occurred. By agreement in care and caution it may be undone. We urge
the attention to thanksgiving and harmony on the part of the
questioner. We may affirm the previous recommendation in general of
the skills and the purity of intention of the one known as Bob, and
may note the sympathetic illness which has occurred due to the
Lastly, we may note that to the one known as Peter several aspects
of the distortions experienced by the questioner, the instrument,
and the scribe may be quite apparent and rather simply traduced to
Questioner: What is Peter’s last name? I am not familiar with who he
Ra: I am Ra. The name by which this entity chooses to be known is
Questioner: Does Ra think that surgery in my case would be of any
Ra: I am Ra. We assume you speak of the colonic indisposition and
its potential aid by your chirurgeons. Is this correct?
Ra: Again, I am Ra. Please blow across the face and heart of the
(This was done as directed.)
Ra: I am Ra. We shall continue. The atmosphere has been meticulously
prepared. However, there are those elements which cause difficulty
to the instrument, the neurasthenia of the right side of the face
being added to other arthritically energized pain flares.
Such an operation would be of aid in the event that the entity chose
this physical cleansing as an event which collaborated with changes
in the mental, mental/emotional, and physical orientations of the
entity. Without the latter choice, the distortion would recur.
Questioner: Now, going back to summarizing what we can do for the
instrument is through praise and thanksgiving. Is that all that we
can do other than advising her to drink a considerable amount of
liquid and moving her into a better atmosphere. Am I correct on
Ra: I am Ra. We examine the statement and find two items missing,
one important relative to the other. The chief addition is the
grasping of the entity’s nature. The less important is, for little
it may seem to be, perhaps helpful; that is, the entity absorbs much
medication and finds it useful to feed itself when these substances
are ingested. The substitution of substances such as fruit juice for
the cookie is recommended, and, further, the ingestion of substances
containing sucrose which are not liquid is not recommended within
four of your hours before the sleeping period.
Questioner: With my experience with the dehumidifiers I think that
it will probably be impossible to lower the humidity in that house
much. We can try that, and probably if we do move in there, we will
have to move out very shortly.
Is there anything else that needs to be done to complete the healing
of Jim’s kidney problem?
Ra: I am Ra. If it be realized that the condition shall linger in
potential for some months after the surcease of all medication, then
care will be taken and all will continue well.
We may note that, for the purposes you intend, the location, Hobbs
Park Road, whether humid or arid, is uncharacteristically
well-suited. The aggravated present distortions of the instrument
having abated due to lack of acute catalyst, the condition of the
location about which the assumption was made is extremely
Questioner: Then you are saying that the effect of the humidity—we
will try to get it as low as possible—is a relatively minor
consideration when all of the other factors of the Hobbs Park Road
address are taken into consideration? Is this correct?
Ra: I am Ra. Yes.
Questioner: I am quite concerned about the instrument’s health at
this point. I must ask if there is anything I have failed to
consider with respect to the health of the instrument? Is there
anything at all that we can do for her to improve her condition
other than that which has already been recommended?
Ra: I am Ra. All is most whole-heartedly oriented for support here.
Perceive the group as here, a location in time/space. Within this
true home, keep the light touch. Laugh together, and find joy in and
with each other. All else is most fully accomplished or planned for
Questioner: Is it as efficacious to cleanse the house with salt and
water after we move in as it is before we move in?
Ra: I am Ra. In this case it is not an urgent metaphysical concern
as timing would be in a less benign and happy atmosphere. One notes
the relative simplicity of accomplishing such prior to occupancy.
This is unimportant except as regards the catalyst with which you
wish to deal.
Questioner: Can you tell me what the instrument’s difficulty was
with her last whirlpool?
Ra: I am Ra. The instrument took on the mental/emotional nature and
distortion complex of the questioner as we have previously noted.
The instrument has been taking whirling waters at temperatures which
are too hot and at rates of vibration which, when compounded by the
heat of the swirling waters, bring about the state of light shock as
you would call the distortion. The mind complex has inadequate
oxygen in this distorted state and is weakened.
In this state the instrument, having the questioner’s distortion
without the questioner’s strength of the distortion one might liken
to the wearing of armor, began to enter into an acute psychotic
episode. When the state of shock was past the symptoms disappeared.
The potential remains as the empathic identity has not been
relinquished, and both the questioner and the instrument live as
entities in a portion of the mental/emotional complex of the
May we ask for one more full query at this working and remind the
instrument that it is appropriate to reserve some small portion of
energy before a working?
Questioner: I would just ask if there is anything that we can
do to make the instrument more comfortable or to help her and to
improve the contact, and what would be the soonest that Ra would
recommend the next contact? I would certainly appreciate the return
of the golden hawk. It gave me great comfort.
Ra: I am Ra. You have complete freedom to schedule workings.
We suggest the nature of all manifestation to be illusory and
functional only in so far as the entity turns from shape and shadow
to the One.
I am Ra. We leave you, my friends, in the love and in the glorious
light of the one infinite Creator. Go forth, then, rejoicing in the
power and in the peace of the one infinite Creator. Adonai.
Jim: After we moved back to
Louisville the mental/emotional dysfunction which Ra spoke of
concerning Don occurred. Don was noted all his life for being
very cool and extremely wise, emotionally unmoved by events
which caused others to fall apart. His observations and advice
always proved to be correct. Now, as this dysfunction worsened,
Don saw himself intensely affected by even the smallest stimuli.
His worrying deepened to depression and he sought healing
counsel from every available source, yet nothing worked, and he
resigned himself to a death which he saw quickly approaching.
After seven months of this mental, emotional, and physical
deterioration he became unable to sleep or to eat solid foods.
By November he had lost one-third of his body weight and was
experiencing intense pain. He refused further hospitalization
which we saw as the last hope for his survival. The thought of
having him put into the hospital against his will was abhorrent
to us, but we decided to do it and to hope for a miracle,
knowing of no other possible way to save Don’s life at that
When the police came to serve the warrant a five and one-half
hour standoff resulted. Don was convinced his death was
immanent, and he did not want to die in a mental hospital. When
tear gas was used to bring Don out of the house, he walked out
of the back door and shot himself once through the brain. He
After his death Carla saw him three times in waking visions, and
he assured us that all was well and that all had occurred
appropriately—even if it made no sense at all to us.
So we give praise and thanksgiving for Don’s life, for his
death, and for our work together.
Though this book is a more personal portion of that work, we
hope that you can see that the principles underlying our
experiences are the same ones which underlie yours. Though
expressions may vary widely, the purpose is the same: that the
many portions of the One may know themselves and the One as One.
Or, as Ra put it:
“We leave you in appreciation of the circumstance of the great
illusion in which you now choose to play the pipe and timbrel
and move in rhythm. We are also players upon a stage. The stage
changes. The acts ring down. The lights come up once again. And
throughout the grand illusion and the following and the
following there is the undergirding majesty of the one infinite
Creator. All is well. Nothing is lost. Go forth rejoicing in the
love and the light, the peace and the power of the one infinite
Creator. I am Ra. Adonai.” (From Session 104.)
Carla: Jim and I have wished to open this personal material for
those who feel they might find it useful, because we see in our
experiences a good example of the kind of stress that working in
the light will produce. The more full of enlightenment the
channeling received, the more enlightened the patterns of living
and talking need to be. In the case of Don, Jim and me, all of
our outer behavior was correct, and it was not to be held
against Don that he didn’t become a talker when he got sick. He
had never taken another’s advice, and he did not want mine or
Jim’s then any more than usual. And so the tendency Don had of
being paranoid bloomed until he was sure I was no longer his
love. For him the world without me was unacceptable.
Looking deeper at the timing here, it is crucial that it be seen
that I was at this point weighing in at around 84 pounds, at
5'4". Each session was extremely hard, and yet I never flagged
in my desire to continue. I was perfectly willing to die in the
process of gaining these sessions’ contents. Don was very
worried that I would indeed die, and fussed over me continually.
There was some mechanism within him which persisted in trying to
figure out how to substitute himself for me in taking the brunt
of the contact. He spoke about it from time to time, and I
always discouraged that line of thinking. But he did just that,
in the end. His death ended the contact with those of Ra, and we
have never been tempted to take it up again, as we are following
Ra’s own advice not to do that except with the three of us.
I want to express to each reader the profound feeling of peace
that has come to me in the healing of my present incarnation.
There will always be that part of me that wishes I could have
either been able to save Don or to die with him. I think that is
one valid way I could have gone. Then he and I would be a vastly
romantic, and quite dead, part of L/L history. But this is not
the lesson that was mine. Mine was the lesson concerning wisdom.
Ra put it to me quite bluntly when he asked what my time was for
going to Jerusalem. He was asking me whether I wanted to martyr
myself. This was in the context of questions Don asked
concerning the possibility of more frequent sessions. My
response to that was to go on my first vacation in eleven years.
Don and I had adventures, NOT vacations!
Don’s lesson when our energies and mental distortions were
exchanged and merged by our talk in Georgia was concerning the
complete opening of his heart. By remaining an observer, he had
not yet succeeded in unblocking that great heart of his. In his
illness, he truly thought that he was dying that I might be well
and live peacefully. There is no more utter devotion and
sacrifice than the giving of one’s life. It does not matter, in
this context, that he was dead wrong.
He never lost me, far from it. He lost himself. In his moment of
death he was completely open of heart, and uncaring of the pain
of living or of leaving. Of course I have many and conflicting
emotions about this. But always I am absolute in my faith that
Don’s ending was as noble as his life as a whole. To me, he is
beyond words. I just adore that soul.
My lesson was the opposite: that of adding wisdom to completely
open love. My heart chakra is usually quite unblocked, but my
sense of limits has long been shaky. The mind-meld we shared at
that time left me with a choice of dying for Don’s sake or
living for his work, for L/L Research, and all we had done and
been together. I did exactly what I had to do to stay in this
world. It was touch and go for me for a long time, long after
Don’s death I was working the energy of death through my own
mind, body and spirit. Through the years I plumbed the depths of
despair, anger (how dare he doubt me!) grief and sorrow. I faced
my own physical death and knew that the crux had come, and the
joy of living was still strong within me. This was during the
difficult days around Christmas of 1991. I have never been in
that much extremity before, not even when my kidneys failed.
my love felt never stronger. I felt as though all was being
burned away, and I welcomed that. In the heat of that pain I
felt cleansing and completion. From that time, it was as if a
whole new strength had poured into my frail body. As I have
achieved a rise from wheelchair and hospital bed, I have felt
more and more joy-filled and at the same time transparent. This
is a new life I am experiencing, in a new and much replenished
body. Indeed, at the age of 54, I feel a grounding and balance
that are solid and healthy. I am glad to be here, and feel that
have entered into the working out of the second pattern that my
divided life offers. I bless Don’s and my sad tale. And I bless
all that has occurred. We loved; we were human. It seems as
though we often erred. We did not, for we truly loved. And
though I shall always feel orphaned by his absence from my side,
I embrace the wonderful things that are now mine to treasure.
Jim and I are fueled constantly by the blessing of being able to
carry on Don’s work.
Any group that stays together and works harmoniously while being
of service to the light will begin to attract psychic greeting
of the sorts we experienced. In this crucible, every fault and
vanity, however small, is a weapon against the self. Ethical
perception needs to remain very alert and cogent of issues and
values being tossed around. This is a matter of life and death.
L/L Research is a special and wonderful place, and not unlike
many other light-houses other wanderers and seekers have lit.
Many, many others are awakening now and wishing to become ever
more able to be channels for light. And it is a wondrous
ministry, to be there as a metaphysical or spiritual home for
wanderers and outsiders everywhere. We hope this helps you and
your group to stay in full communication, to refuse to offer
each other less than joy and faith no matter what! And never,
NEVER to make a deal with the loyal opposition!
We at L/L Research continue to keep our doors open for regular
meetings, and many visitors come through our doors, through the
snail mail and e-mail, and as our books continue to be spread
around, those who are aware of Ra’s ideas are all over the
globe. Our web site is
www.llresearch.org, and our snail-mail
address is L/L Research, P. O. Box 5195, Louisville, Kentucky
We answer each piece of mail, and are always glad to
hear from readers old and new. Our hearts are eternally grateful
for each other, for Don, for those of Ra and the contact they
shared with us. Blessings to all who read this book.
Carla L. Rueckert Jim McCarty
Louisville, Kentucky December 20, 1997