Anonymous Sexaholics Celibate Church Introduction and Ways Written by the Class in 1987 Introduction ASCC is a Christian, nondenominational church that has evolved over the past fifteen-plus years. A group of "sexaholics," who didn’t apply that particular term to themselves at the time, but knew that they had in common an addiction to sex (among other things), and who considered themselves seekers of "higher knowledge," felt "led" to choose celibacy as an attempt to "awaken." Many of them were turned off by the traditional church per se. however, they all (initially a couple dozen or more) had an extremely persistent curiosity and interest in the questions frequently asked by "seekers": What is my purpose in being here? Can I know more? Can I personally relate to a higher knowledge? How can I know more of the real God? They felt led to seek guidance from Heaven in how they might know more. They immediately recognized that the majority of them had a compulsion to do anything in an attempt to awaken so that they might understand what their commonness was and hat their purpose might be. They agreed to separate themselves from the mainstream of society, except as practical or monetary needs required, and began an in-depth concentration in discipline and study. Without exception, they felt that somehow they also had some sort of real connection with the Heavens, the Kingdom of Heaven, or the Kingdom that religions sought to know. From the outset they chose to help each other overcome or "lick" every addiction that they individually and collectively became aware of, recognizing that sex was the strongest and most difficult addiction that was common to them all. They learned that this "force," which usually manifests itself in sexual desire, is in fact a portion of God’s mind, but cannot be recognized as such without a gestation period of serious restraint. They agreed to ask God in intensive prayer, silence, and Bible study to lead them to the particular disciplines that would yield the closeness they sought so desperately. They knew that they could not succeed in testing the "yield" of their disciplines without virtual isolation from social demands. Some fell by the way as others joined this highly organized, but yet outwardly unorganized effort. After months and months of experimentation with disciplined change and dropping of old habits, they began to see things more clearly, recognizing that each new day found the previous day’s understanding obsolete. The hurdles were difficult. The recognition and acceptance of facts that were clearly discussed in the Bible, such as "influences"(i.e., demons, and how they literally attempt to control thoughts, voices, and actions ), were difficult psychological and mental-integrity adjustments. However, operating on the premise that these "influences" are real worked and yielded better control with understanding. WAYS(LIFESTYLE AND DISCIPLINES) If we say we love only our Heavenly Father and want only to do His will, why wouldn’t we adopt the ways of life that He has taught us through His Son? CHOOSING CELIBACY " You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37) To those in ASCC, celibacy (our definition of sobriety) means not participating in any sexual or sensual acts or related thoughts involving yourself or others. Celibacy is not for everyone, but at this time we believe that it is a natural choice for some-those who have indulged in sex and/or love addictions to varying degrees, want to overcome them, and recognize the value in being nonsexual. You have a right to be nonsexual if you chose, for whatever reason, be it fear of VD or AIDS, deteriorating family relationships, or because you are subconsciously craving to adopt ways that will bring you closer to God. " An unmarried man concerns himself with the Lord’s work, because he is trying to please the Lord, but a married man concerns himself with worldly matters, because he wants to please his wife; and so he is pulled in two directions. An unmarried woman or a virgin concerns herself with the Lord’s work because she wants to be dedicated, both in body and spirit; but a married woman concerns herself with worldly matters, because she wants to please her husband… I want you… to give yourself completely to the Lord’s service without any reservation."-1 Corinthians 7:32-35 Check Partners We believe that the most appropriate relationship you can have at this time with another human is a "partnership," in which the individuals share the same goals but do not "take" from each other. What we refer to as a partnership is a nonphysical, nonromantic relationship-one in which the individuals are not attracted to each other, and a conjugal relationship is impossible. The partnership could still work if one partner was slightly "turned on" by the other, but the other partner could not possibly be physically "turned on" by that person. Their purpose is to be helpers and "check partners" to each other. (A "threesome" can work as a partnership for practical purposes or in a situation where one individual would otherwise be alone.) A check partner can be your best instrument for change. If you want and ask for it, this person can act as a mirror, reflecting your vehicle’s weaknesses and rebellion, helping you to recognize and surface problem areas and self-centeredness you were previously unaware of. Partnerships are not intended to be life-long relationships. A partner change can sometimes offer more opportunities for accelerated growth because it broadens the spectrum of lessons from which you can gain experience and strength. However, whether you would change partners and how often depends on your circumstance. Ideally, a partnership would not change because of difficulty, but after difficulties have been worked out. If a partner withdraws because of differences, that partner stops his or her own growth process. A check partner also gives you someone to constantly check before taking any action. Using the partnership correctly-being "Bobbsey Twins" and doing all tasks together-will help you destroy trust or confidence in using your own judgment to figure things out, instead of looking to your Heavenly Father. We ask our partner, "How should we approach this task? What do you think about this?" or "When would be a good time to do so and so?" The partner, if coming from the right place, responds with an equally "nonlobbying" position: "That sound fine to me," or "When would be a good time for you?" Only by having no trust in ourselves can we be receptive to know our Heavenly Father’s will. This is a totally new way of life we have adopted-always reaching, together with our partner, for the most right solution to a problem or the most right action, based on what we think our Heavenly Father would have us do. This is what was meant in the Bible by " Wherever two or more are gathered together in my name…" "In my name" means looking to Him for guidance. We believe that when two individuals work together to come to an agreement, they are more likely to arrive at what their Heavenly Father would have them do. Rather than one person having an opinion and the other going along with it, or both individuals "lobbying" for his or her own idea, they can together come up with a third, totally different and more right answer that will always be better than what either of the individual could come up with on their own. We expose all our thoughts to our check partner, keeping nothing hidden or secret that can brew increasing negativity inside us. We constantly solicit help from our partner:" Please tell me if you’re aware of any areas where I’m responding poorly, with defensiveness, sarcasm, or hurt." "Stop me if I start to express any negative thoughts." "Please catch me the moment I start getting moody or withdrawn; I want to say in an even, steady frame of mind with a pleasant countenance." "Don’t hesitate to point it out if you see my eyes wandering," or "…if I dress inappropriately or too suggestively," or " …if my actions seem less than good…." The solicitation of your partner’s help and correction must be reinstated regularly. Your partner can only help if you ask for it, to prevent responses of defensiveness or being hurt. To keep negative influences from causing friction between partners or other relationships, we found that nothing works better than to maintain a positive, helpful attitude: -If someone has a poor response to me, tthe only attitude I can take is, "What is it that I said or did to cause you to feel this way?" No help can be given if I put blame elsewhere. -I know that I don’t need to let anythinng anyone else does disturb me or be an excuse for me to respond poorly. I am responsible for my thoughts, actions, and words. -I want to be a good listener, to take tthe "higher side" of where others are coming from, and to expect the best from them. -I know that I am incapable of judging aanyone. Any time I find myself being critical of others, it is probably because I am experiencing disappointment in my own performance and permissiveness. I want to concentrate on "What are the ways I need to improve?" rather than looking for flaws in others. Exercising Control and Protecting Your "Vibrations" To not be a slave to your genetic programming and learned habit patterns, you must consciously direct everything you do and think-do nothing "on automatic." You can control your vehicle. You can control where your eyes look and what thoughts you allow to register in your brain. You do not have to be a passive victim of the multitude of stimuli surround you. Simply remember that before you do anything, consciously think of how you are going to do it, whether it is to sit, drive a car, walk, talk, dress, close doors, laugh-everything. Separating Mind and Vehicle-Aborting Negativity Understand that you are not your vehicle (body). You are the mind (traditionally referred to as "spirit" or "soul") that occupies that vehicle. Any addiction or any negative thought or feeling you have is not you-it is either vehicular or the result of "influences." The mind (you) is only good. If you take the position that good is all you want to be and all that you accept, there’s no room for anything else. Consciously remembering gives you stronger ammunition to fight off the influences and makes it easier to be in control of your vehicle. Guilt, shame, and embarrassment are all negative influences, addictions in themselves, habits of thinking that when accepted, lower your vibrations and open the door for giving to other addictions. By recognizing them for what they are and aborting such thoughts or feelings, you gain control and strength. The more you do this, the wiser you get to how Lucifer (Satan) and his negative influences work. Through practice you can even learn to recognize a feeling that precedes a familiar negative thought before it germinates and get rid of it immediately; that is, "nip it in the bud." We have learned that this is the most effective way to stay in control. Recovery is more difficult when we slow to recognize the danger signs and find ourselves entertaining fantasies or thoughts that are "off track." To protect yourself, refuse to allow negative thoughts and actions to be expressed through your vehicle (for example, irritation, jealousy, resentment). Ask your Heavenly Father to help you recognize what is negative. If thoughts of discouragement or "I can’t do anything right " come knocking at your door, you can say with conviction, "That’s not me talking! I’m not going to accept that"! If you try with all your might and you don’t have complete success aborting negativity, remember that you cannot judge yourself-only your Heavenly Father knows what your capacity and abilities are. All you can do is to continue to exert your very best effort and sustain that effort. Know that whatever comes as a result of that effort can only be a positive. If you’ve had a slippage, instead of feeling down on yourself, guilty, or worthless, convert that negative suffering into a positive desperation to improve, and determination that the slippage will not happen again. Avoiding Unnecessary Tests Protect your vibrations. Avoid circumstances that would put you to the test. To deliberately test yourself, thinking it would make you stronger, is a dangerous trap and only sets you up for trouble. For example, a sexaholic who goes into an adult bookstore and looks at magazines to "prove" it is no longer stimulating, or an alcoholic holding a favorite drink in hand to prove there’s no desire for alcohol-both are asking to fail. Ways to Win The following simple techniques and procedures have helped us be less vulnerable to even the most subtle of Lucifer’s negative influences. 1. Control your eyes. Don’t allow them to gaze on anyone or anything that can stimulate you sensually. Avoid looking into the mirror at your own body for the same reason. 2. Constantly examine what it is that triggers arousal, whether physical or mental, and avoid thinking about or doing those things. ASCC members have all given up other physical addictions, such as smoking, drinking, taking drugs, destructive eating habits, inappropriate vocabulary, and so on. Which we feel has significantly reduced our vulnerability to loss of control and actually helped us build "muscle" in gaining more control over the vehicle. ASCC members periodically experiment with radical diet changes, which not only assist in breaking addictions, but frequently shock the vehicle unto new health. For example, we have followed at different times the Hippocrates Live Food program, the Pritikin diet, Ehret’s and Christopher’s muscusless diets, and the Gerson Cancer Therapy diet, which incorporated large amounts of raw vegetable juices. From this experimentation, we have learned that major changes in our consuming can be extremely helpful to strengthen a new start and reinforce a new lifestyle. Ask and You Will Receive Our Heavenly Father can more than satisfy any need we have and help us gain strength in every way. But we can’t expect to receive His help unless we specifically ask Him for it. The trick is to not have any expectations of our own. He knows how to give us exactly what we need. Asking is prayer, but it isn’t something we do just at bedtime or when in a life-threatening situation. We ask for help throughout each day and when awake at night; for example: -Heavenly Father, please protect me fromm negative thoughts and images, fears, and anything that can cause me to be separate or turn my eyes from You. -Please help me know how to accept Your love more fully and sustain it. I want to feel Your presence and Your love inside me, and to carry that feeling with me. -Please help me to have no uniqueness orr separateness-personality traits or characteristics that are different from You. I want only to be of one mind with You. -What is the next step for me? Only You know what circumstances I need in order to grow faster. Help me get rid of "confidence" and trust in myself so I can be free to look only to You and do only Your will. -Please show me the areas I need to channge, expose any weak areas I am unaware of, and help me know how to correct them quickly. -Help me be willing to be wrong. Help mee be better able to admit to others when I recognize I am wrong and apologize to them. -Please teach me to have faster control over my wandering eyes and the sensual images that form in my head; help me to "nip them in the bud"-stop them before the thoughts even register in my brain. -Help me remember to constantly ask for Your help. We make a point to set aside some "quiet time" or "presence time" daily. We use this time to quiet our brains from our daily activities and concerns in order to concentrate on our asking. At times, we concentrate on simply feeling our Heavenly Father’s presence and being filled with His love. Listening is as important as asking-trying to have no thoughts, while waiting for His answers to our asking. As a result of our asking and listening, we may experience a certain feeling that will bring with it new thoughts-or a sudden higher perspective that ultimately brings us into more control of our vehicle, filling it more with only His mind. NOTE: We are not trying to convince anyone of our beliefs and ways or to recruit converts. We are seeking to be led to those who already recognize that they are of the same mind and need our assistance in awakening to their potential, recognizing that what has worked for us can work for them. it is our policy to neither debate nor defend our beliefs, for in so doing we open doors for influences to weaken our position and dilute the knowledge that we have been given.