from ZenGardner Website
It takes a lot to arrive at the door of discovery as
well as courage to open the door. In fact, all of the doors, as life
is a series of decisions on where to travel and what to do when
faced with the myriad of options presented before us.
You don't just walk-out
of the matrix when you've been programmed and enslaved to
it your whole life, nor quickly shed your old warped belief systems
like overalls as you step into some kind of sanitized room filled
with baby lambs and laughing children.
And so very well worth it, and more...
We think we hid it from others since we were in
denial about it or thought we were clever in how we think we got
away with it.
And it's not a one time thing; it's a long process of getting honest, allowing ourselves,
And then asking for, allowing and receiving the
The rest follows and no matter how challenging, we rise to it and pass through because of that resolution of the heart. The hardest roads are for those who continue to cover up and fight to protect the whole idea of their old self, or even some form of new self.
For them, as it has been at times for all of us, it can be like being lost in the woods and after hours of searching without a compass or sense of direction we land up right where we started.
Tired, discouraged and disillusioned, blaming circumstances or whatever instead of the fact that we didn't allow ourselves to listen to our spiritual compass of the heart because we hadn't been cultivating a life of honest realizations.
About ourselves and the world around us.
I think it's because it's been happening to me a lot
for some time and continues to unfold. Areas of my life I thought
I'd overcome or in some way transcended are coming back via
relationships gone wrong or hang-ups reappearing in strange ways. Or
just plain fears I haven't wanted to face that still plague me.
I had a rough upbringing in a seriously dysfunctional family. Physically we were upper middle class and seemed to have everything going for us, but spiritually, psychically and emotionally it was a twisted torture chamber of sorts.
I think most of my generation went through this kind
of spiritual turmoil.
It subconsciously makes them think they're not worthy of love and truth. It's essentially a very clever mind control program we've been coerced to participate in. Much like the soldier who is reduced to a barbaric murderer for whatever "cause" they've been told they're fighting for, it degrades the human psyche and stifles the spirit, trapping beautiful souls in an endless cycle of guilt and self loathing which only results in more forms of violence.
The very sad suicide statistics of returning veterans
is one obvious outcropping of this.
This can manifest as a player within the capitalist system of greed, thuggish behavior again justified by social "norms".
It can be any form of self promotion which comes with a cost to others for personal gain, again based on this strange concept of competition. Sports are a good example of how violence, even within systems of rules, is justified and encouraged. And if you can get away with dirty tricks and not get caught that's also fair game.
The whole capitalist system is based on this.
While important if done in love, it too can be very
destructive if it's just a form of lashing out or self centered
release no matter how cleverly couched. This type of behavior
happens because we haven't come to terms with ourselves yet. And
that's the most important part and should be addressed first. It's
not easy, and is a lifelong process.
These things have a way of bubbling up and they're not overwhelming if tackled head on. It's only in recent years that I've begun to understand the lifelong effects of my family upbringing.
These sublimated issues appeared throughout my life that followed and it got more convoluted as time progressed.
It's not all bad, as much of this suffering is what drives the seeker to keep pursuing the truth, since deep within us we know there is release. Until then, those abusive behaviors plague us and put up a smokescreen trying to keep these unsavory realities suppressed and forgotten.
Quite the cycle, but I think we all experience this one way or another.
When we have a fear of something it can literally bring on what we are fearing. There's an old sci-fi movie well worth watching called Forbidden Planet that powerfully illustrates this amongst other dynamics.
The Martian Chronicles that
illustrates how our minds conjure and manifest our reality, a
phenomenon long understood by mystics and sages and now even
confirmed by modern mainstream science.
There are all kinds of fears, from,
...on down to singular phobias such as fear of heights.
These are powerful drivers and affect our motivations, actions and perceptions.
Fear of being discovered for who we truly are is one
of the most powerful. What grips our psyche is often a sense of
guilt or shame for something we feel is wrong about us that we don't
It's a vicious cycle once again and a loop that needs
to be broken no matter what it takes. It's a long road overall but
one we're all traveling together.
But that's where the pursuit of truth is the best antidote, as we can deal with these things as they come up and not let them fester like an infected splinter in the mind.
This wonderful empowering reality gives us the courage to take these on more and more spontaneously and is so liberating. That's where a good sense of humor comes in and not taking ourselves so damn seriously.
We're all a mess but when love dominates then our shared weaknesses are actually what bind-up together as our communication grows more honest and loving and openly caring while we continue to approach and draw near to the light of truth.
Until we realize our originally pristine hearts and spirits were deliberately coerced to become willing accomplices in this violence upon ourselves and others, the guilt and fear of being "found out" will plague us.
The easiest tack for your ship to take is straight
into the truth with the realization we ultimately have nothing to
defend, that that's the false self and a bad movie that needs to be
chopped up and hit the editing room floor.
Honesty comes first, and exposure to ourselves and perhaps those near to us. And then the healing can begin. It may require some assistance from a spiritual healer or counselor, it really depends.
Over the past few years I've had a very profound experience with Edna of Earth-Heal and her assisted treatments that synchronistically began at the same time I got back in touch with my estranged older brother and sister.
Since this time of reconnection we've been sharing
childhood memories and how our lives were affected by those
traumatic influences, which the treatments addressed without even
knowing about them. Quite remarkable.
I know meditation and other sincere spiritual practices as well as entheogens such as ayahuasca are wonderful at bringing truths to light and then taking one past the unsavory realities into the marvelous realm of the loving eternal now, knowledge of which is the ultimate empowerment.
This, or similar experiences however they transpire, deliver the individual from attachment to all that baggage as we become the observer and release attached identity with this egoic self reinforced by a lifetime of less than conscious actions and reactions.
This is why christianity appeals to so many as the initiation is based on 'unconditional' forgiveness.
But this is available to anyone, anytime and anywhere and not hinged on any type of entity. There was no original sin and you don't need anyone's forgiveness but your own. The rest will follow as we open our lives like flowers and honest and loving communication evolves naturally.
Reconciliation with others then follows. But we must
forgive and release ourselves first.
It doesn't necessarily mean spilling our guts out but
that too can help if done with the right people and in the right
setting. Again, deep spiritual practices as well as natural psychic
healing medicines such as ayahuasca or other medicinal plants have a
beautiful way of addressing these deeper issues and then letting us
release them as we step into the divine and experience the
unconditional love that awaits anyone's discovery.
We all have to deal with our own infirmities. But the
knowledge of the true reality of conscious awareness being our
essential nature and releasing our attachment to this false identity
we've been engrained with our entire lives is paramount to
One important aspect to realize is that this goes
along with the concept of embracing the dark that's been
discussed a lot lately. If we see it as a good vs. bad paradigm
we're really missing the point.
But as we continue on this marvelous yet often rough
road of discovery all things will come to light, but in a very
loving and synchronistic way if we just keep on keeping on in all
Why shouldn't we dive in and revel in it? It's not a
matter of deserving it, it's a matter of accepting it and in so
doing bring more light and loving truth to our darkened world.